tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6456386419847525258.post638706878216271456..comments2023-07-21T07:38:15.376-04:00Comments on Whimsical Quests of a Curious Mind: Rendezvous with Destiny #WeWriWa snippet for 7/13/14Jess Schirahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04930756756945812094noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6456386419847525258.post-65648313886017942182014-07-14T17:16:59.434-04:002014-07-14T17:16:59.434-04:00I love Becca and the way they tease each other. Gr...I love Becca and the way they tease each other. Great last line to keep readers hooked. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6456386419847525258.post-75953471532859974152014-07-14T15:48:32.902-04:002014-07-14T15:48:32.902-04:00I like it Jess. Even though you say you're flo...I like it Jess. Even though you say you're floundering, keep at it. I think this story is so good. :-) And I like the inclusion of Becca :-)Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6456386419847525258.post-49003677059765039912014-07-13T19:59:31.281-04:002014-07-13T19:59:31.281-04:00I like the addition of the dog and I enjoyed the g...I like the addition of the dog and I enjoyed the gentle teasing between boy and girl. Excellent excerpt!Veronica Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04732940088047026021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6456386419847525258.post-2173293037045949452014-07-13T18:19:51.071-04:002014-07-13T18:19:51.071-04:00Great last line! This story line should appeal to ...Great last line! This story line should appeal to boomers, too.FCEtierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14199098303138353894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6456386419847525258.post-28208966671398817022014-07-13T17:32:05.444-04:002014-07-13T17:32:05.444-04:00Maybe he's bringing the two of them. this is a...Maybe he's bringing the two of them. this is a fun snippet.Elaine Cantrellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05668294337075373288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6456386419847525258.post-30839986841860487992014-07-13T17:26:08.629-04:002014-07-13T17:26:08.629-04:00What a time it was with World War Two on the horiz...What a time it was with World War Two on the horizon and he has a German friend. I feel for their friendship and love.Charmaine Gordonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15236373312231763983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6456386419847525258.post-60430445207778839482014-07-13T13:41:33.957-04:002014-07-13T13:41:33.957-04:00Great suggestions! Thanks Marcia!Great suggestions! Thanks Marcia!Jess Schirahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04930756756945812094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6456386419847525258.post-34862303416552323072014-07-13T13:39:55.546-04:002014-07-13T13:39:55.546-04:00Thanks, Frank. I've been known bring take-out ...Thanks, Frank. I've been known bring take-out pizza as my contribution.Jess Schirahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04930756756945812094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6456386419847525258.post-72836802346541899002014-07-13T13:32:07.319-04:002014-07-13T13:32:07.319-04:00Ooh, what's he brought? Wine and strawberries?...Ooh, what's he brought? Wine and strawberries? Wine and himself? Fun snippet.gemma parkeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06275261646534324484noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6456386419847525258.post-88344424966639131332014-07-13T13:17:48.267-04:002014-07-13T13:17:48.267-04:00Well, I must know what he brought. :)Well, I must know what he brought. :)Karen Michelle Nutthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04083893569523248900noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6456386419847525258.post-6875736876693257702014-07-13T12:36:18.291-04:002014-07-13T12:36:18.291-04:00I remember my first potluck dinner - I forgot to b...I remember my first potluck dinner - I forgot to bring anything. I wonder what those two things he's bringing? Great snippet!Frank Fisherhttp://www.frankmfisher.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6456386419847525258.post-51962253510732444492014-07-13T11:45:34.520-04:002014-07-13T11:45:34.520-04:00My stomach perked up at the food in her basket. So...My stomach perked up at the food in her basket. So what are the two most important things he's bringing to the potluck dinner? Gem Sivadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01233835029255570402noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6456386419847525258.post-89965970105956384522014-07-13T11:22:14.134-04:002014-07-13T11:22:14.134-04:00Lovely excerpt, Jess! Of course there's a dog,...Lovely excerpt, Jess! Of course there's a dog, there needs to be some kind of pet :) These characters are charming and super easy to cheer for. I'm all worried about what will happen when the war starts! <br /><br />One suggestion? I'm supposing that the mention of Becca is a separate sentence in your working draft but I'm thinking it might flow better with something like this: <br />"Becca instantly leaped over the side of the truck in a single, effortless bound, then settled in the truck bed."<br /><br />That removes two instances of "-ing" words which are really easy to overuse, and I think makes visualizing the movements a bit easier. <br /><br />It's just little tweaks like that that come to mind. Your characters are well-rounded so you sure don't need help there :D <br />Marciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07092928480361131154noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6456386419847525258.post-14469106826027785662014-07-13T11:20:03.659-04:002014-07-13T11:20:03.659-04:00Ah cute, I love Becca, glad she decided to make he...Ah cute, I love Becca, glad she decided to make herself known : ) Great snippet. Love the sweetness of these two "friends".Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05551671528722336812noreply@blogger.com