I'm participating in Camp NANOWRIMO this month, and I'm challenging myself to use Madison's photo prompts to build on my project. Hopefully it works.
This week's FF piece came in at 131 words, longer than I wanted, but I cut it from the original 172 and felt that removing more would fracture the story.
The photo prompt provided by Madison wood is a bleeding grape vine.
Thanks for stopping by. Any and all comments criticisms are always appreciated and given a great deal of consideration. Thanks again!
Thief
Cara grinned, showing the
scrapes of grape skins caught on her teeth. “Look Keagen. They’re everywhere.”
She
liberated another grape from the vine. “You’re going to get sick if you eat too
many.” I warned before moving to the shade of a Maple tree to wait out her
grazing. No sooner had I settled against
the trunk, when Cara screamed.
I
scooped her up. Her arms locked around my neck as the blood drained from my
face and a scream clawed at my throat. Globs of puss dripped from the
grapevines, falling to the ground in what looked like a melted pile of rotting
brain tissue.
A
lanky boy stepped around the end of the vine, studying us as a slow smile
spread across his face.
“Good,”
he said “more thieves.”
Now that you've read my piece, you need to check out some awe-insipiring writers also participating in this week's Friday Fictioneers. They can be found right here.
I feel sorry for Cara. Sure, she took what wasn't hers, but how can one rejoice in another's suffering.
ReplyDeleteShame on the lanky boy.
I never knew grapes could be so frightening. I'll never look at a Thompson seedless quite the same way.
ReplyDeletewww.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/08/wild-life.html
I don't have a great deal of experience with the vines, so the bleeding vine was a new one. Yuck! I did some research and now feel confident that I could at least prune the vines without them bleeding, should the need ever arise.
DeleteThanks for taking the time to read my story.
Nice! I will be very careful gathering wild grapes for jelly from now on!
ReplyDeleteOhh, that sounds really good right now!
DeleteI like the idea of "liberating" a grape from the vine. So much drama and menace in so few words - well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment on ours.
I do to, I kept trying to cut that sentence to shorten the word count, but I just couldn't do it. Thanks! I really liked your story.
DeleteMenacing is definitely the right word for this - a great start to a story. Well done.
ReplyDeleteI'm really pleased with how this one turned out. There's so many different directions that things could go from here. Thank you!
Deleteooh, an interesting turn of events! I'm not sure I excalty know what happened - how did the pus appear so suddenly? - but I like how you've drawn the motherchild relationship and the viciousness of the boy.
ReplyDeleteI'm over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/08/03/friday-fiction-torment/
Yeah, it is a little confusing. The idea was that Cara rounded a corner and encountered the go, I think it got edited out when I was trying to cut my word count. I really liked your wine guts story :)
Deletenicely done....
ReplyDeleteoh the boy is so wicked!! Great excerpt!
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteNicely done :)
ReplyDeleteFor you readers:
http://adrarasdreams.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/fridayfictioneers-slime.html
Thanks!
DeleteIt's a rough world for thieves these days!! Nice job.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteInteresting, I wonder what he does with the thieves.
ReplyDeleteNicely done
Here is mine yaralwrites.com
Great lesson learned by this example. Loved your voice and word choice.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Lately, I've been obsessed with the idea of finding the perfect word to match the scene. I haven't quite nailed the concept, but I'm getting there.
DeleteGood job using that pic as a prompt. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Teresa!
DeleteThat was eerie. Very well done. Extremely creative!
ReplyDelete