Sunday, January 20, 2013

Six Sentence Sunday

It's Sunday again, which means another Six Sentence Sunday post! As usual, I'm posting another snippet from my YA work-in-progress, DWARFED. This snippet is basically a descriptive passage, but I think it turned out quite nicely (something I rarely say). Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read it :) If you love reading, feel free to check out the talented writers participating in this week's blog hop.

         For the last two hours Luke and I have done everything possible to make this room, closet really, at the back of the enormous barn into a new home for my little piglet. While Luke lugged broken buckets, piles of dusty grain sacks, and other miscellaneous bits of farming paraphernalia that had found their way into the room, I went at it with a mop, broom, scrub bucket, and dust rag, and scrubbed what had to be a decade’s worth of dust and grime from the wall. Now, the front of my skirt is soaked, my back feels like red hot rods have been inserted in it, a dull headache is hammers against my temples, and I know I’m wearing a macabre veil of cobwebs, dust, and bits of hay over my hair, but the room is clean and shiny.

 Using his ever present pocket knife, Luke slices through some baler twine and passes a thick flake of straw to me.

            Taking it, I give it a violent shake, laughing as bits of dark gold straw fly everywhere. Luke watches me for a moment and smiles.


If this is the first time you've been to my blog and find yourself completely lost, that's okay. I've tried to simplify things by posting all of my snippets here.

Source: zooborns.com via Jess on Pinterest

27 comments:

  1. I love the budding relationship between the two of them as they care for the piglet. Great six! :)

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  2. Love your description! I can picture the mess the space had been and ache at the work involved in cleaning it up! :)

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    1. ;) This scene definitely falls into the category of writing what you know. I've done a few barn cleaning sessions. It's rarely fun, and always dirty.

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  3. And I'm smiling with Luke.
    Great imagery, great six!

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  4. I like how this snippet ends with bonding. Nice imagery of her working away, too!

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  5. Altogether a nice and heartwarming six. I bet one of the reasons Luke smiles is that he sees her dedication in cleaning out the room as proof of how dedicated she is to the piglet.

    One tiny suggestion? This phrase "my back feels like red hot rods have been inserted in it" might have more impact if you used a stronger word than "inserted". Shoved or rammed maybe. Feel free to ignore my two cents but there they are :D

    You know you've got me invested in the outcome of this story now :D

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  6. This is wonderful, Jess. the barn--you've nailed it. You took me right back to the barn on the family farm I grew up on! Great job. Clean straw always smells so good, and those cobwebs full of that dark gray dust! Your words took me right there. :-)

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  7. I love the "red hot rods" and the "macabre veil", lovely imagery. I also enjoyed the moment that passes between them at the end of the snippet. Great snippet :)

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  8. As I'm reading, I feel like I'm intruding a very private moment between the two of them. Very nice job, one of your best! :)

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    1. WOW! that's quite a compliment. Thank you.

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  9. I can always visualize the scene thanks to your vivid descriptions. I'm shuddering about the stuff in her hair LOL! Great six!

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  10. Your descriptions really helped to bring the scene alive. All that cleaning is at least for a good cause.

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  11. Loved it! And the picture--a Shar Pei pig breed? Oh, the headache either "hammers" or "is hammering." Looks like an incomplete change.

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    1. Thank you so much!! Also, you're close with the Shar-pei idea. The breed of pig is Fengjing. It's an old breed from the same region as Shar-pei dogs. I've seen pictures but never a real one. I think they fall into the category of so ugly they're cute.

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  12. I love the bits of straw flying in the air. Can almost smell it and see it catching the light, turning from dark gold to light.

    I've never seen pigs like that. What breed are they?

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    1. They're Fengjing pigs. I don't know much about the breed, other than they're an oriental breed and that I think they're really cute.

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  13. Lots of vivid detail! Nice six!

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  14. So vivid! I can smell the dust and feel the grit. You've obviously been around a barn a time or two. ;o) Great six.

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  15. Lovely description - perfect detail, love the veil of cobwebs and the straw flying in the air.

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  16. Nice description and love the picture!

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  17. Love the description of the cobwebs in her hair. Good six, Jess. :)

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  18. I know I say this a lot, but you have a talent for bringing these moments to vivid life. Having spent the majority of my life on the farm, these tasks are mundane, but you breathe new life into this. Awesome!

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  19. I had a long comment and no idea where it went. Basically I said you were brill with the descriptions, and you are!

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