I learned about Friday Fictioneers a few days ago and thought it sounded like fun so I thought I'd give it a whirl. Here's how the Friday Fictioneers works.
- Use the photo prompt to write a 100-word story
- Post the story on Friday
- Read other story's inspired by the photo. The links to which can be found here: http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/dynamite/drip-100-words/ in the comments section.
- Comment on the photo
Photo from Madison Wood's blog
A
single drop of dew balances on the tip of a blade of grass, trapping
the sunlight and shining brighter than a diamond. Mesmerized, Isabelle
leans close, barely daring to breathe as she lets the image consume her.
She soaks it in. During the past few days she'd learned that these
moments of flawless beauty need to savored, held close because they
don’t last. Right now, the drop is exquisite, but she knows that soon,
too soon, its tenuous hold will break and it will crash into the surf
below, and individuality lost forever in the world’s endless cycle.
. 
Dear Jess,
ReplyDeleteThis would be a beautiful story, but it is flawed by some typos and the wrong use of contractions. You want to keep the rhythm of the word - and make everything precious, so you need to take another look at it and edit it.
I always go back an edit my stories the morning that I post them! And somethimes I go back and edit them weeks later!
For instance, in your first sentence: A single drop of dew balances on the tip of a blade of grass, trapping the sunlight until it shine brighter - You need to put the s on shine, so it shines brighter - but you could also say it shines brightly.
Here is the wrong use of a contraction: Right now, the drop’s exquisite but too soon,
You need to say that the drop is exquisite - because it keeps your language beautiful, the way you want it to be.
Just go back through it once more and see how much more beautiful you can make it.
Yours helpfully I hope,
Laura
here is mine: http://fictionvictimtoo@blogspot.com
Thanks for the insight. I'll take care of those errors. This is why fresh eyes are such a writing necessity. Thanks for taking the time to read my mini-story!
DeleteThis is a lovely little piece, and full of promise. There are a few tense switches which stalled the flow for me, but didn't spoil it. Well done.
ReplyDeletehttp://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/spellbound-friday-fictioneers-april-2012/
The tense thing's a problem I've been working on. I tend to flip back and forth when flying through the first draft and than it takes me several rewrites to catch all the flip flops. Thanks for taking the time to read it.
DeleteIt's a lovely piece of writing and there were one or two typos here and there. But they didn't spoil the story.
ReplyDeleteHere's mine :
http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/flash-fiction-story-2-for-fridayfictioneers-flashfiction/
Welcome to the Fictioneers, you have introduced yourself with a beauty, Jess. I loved the description and the way you made it clear that these sad thoughts about the nature of the droplet echoed her thoughts about life and loss. Well done!
ReplyDeleteI'm over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/friday-fiction-maturity/
Nice story!
ReplyDeleteThanks, you're sweet.
DeleteWonderful imagery, I can't help but draw the line to our own existence. Don't let the moment pass.
ReplyDeleteHere's mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/20/friday-fictioneer-5/
The story was as exquisite as the sunlit drop you captured on the tip of that blade of grass. Loved it, and I'm very glad you joined us!
ReplyDeleteThanks :D
Delete