Friday, June 1, 2012

Friday Fictioneers: Mountian Top Saga

I took a couple of weeks off from Friday Fictioneers due to a lack of time, but I managed to quickly bang out a very quick short story this week. At a 119 words it ran a little long.
This week's photo prompt courtesy Douglas McIlroy sent me down a somewhat unexpected path.

 
Snowflakes danced and shimmered around Jeremy as he clung to the line, and struggled to draw the thin air into his lungs. This is it, he thought, tears pooling behind his protective goggles as blood seeped through his clothing, staining the ice covered rock face he leaned against.  He stared at the neighboring peaks, drinking in the sight, knowing it will be the very last thing he ever sees.
                Stretching my arms above my head to work the kinks from my back, I scan the computer screen, reading the last few lines I wrote, enjoying the unexpected path my muse led me down. I wonder how my character will get out of this situation.

20 comments:

  1. Interesting twist, Jess. Nice job. Took me a moment to realize there were two characters. The protagonist and the author. I liked it.
    Here's mine. www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/06/kiss-me-sailor.html

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    1. Thanks. My internet is giving me fits, and taking forever to load pages, but I'll make it a point to read yours.

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  2. A nice one, a story within a story. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/fridayfictioneers-my-pilot/

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    1. Thank you, as soon as I possible I plan to hop over and check out yours.

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  3. While the author jumping in was interesting, I really wanted to know what happened next to the climber. The imagery of things being absorbed (thin air, the sights) was good and I would have liked to see more.

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  4. While the author jumping in was interesting, I really wanted to know what happened next to the climber. The imagery of things being absorbed (thin air, the sights) was good and I would have liked to see more.

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  5. The two different characters both using "I" confused me a bit at first. Perhaps some sort of formatting fix could resolve confusion for other readers. Maybe indent/italicize/whatever the story within the story or something like that. I'm with the clever old owl though, I'd like to know more of what happens to the climber.

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    1. Brandon, you are so right. I don't know why I didn't think about writing it from two different POV's in the first place. Thanks for the suggestion.

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  6. Oh, I like that idea. Completely took me by surprise. Your author writes a great story - I wonder where his muse takes him next :-)

    I'm here: http://mysocalleddutchlife.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/friday-fictioneers-1st-june/

    Best regards,
    Mik

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    1. Thank you, it didn't end the way I thought it would.

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  7. Very nice twist at the end. I was so sucked into Jeremy's problems I didn't see that one coming! Well done! Here's my try: http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/05/30/friday-fictioneers-1-june-2012-the-conquerer/#comment-773

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  8. Whoa, fascinating twist and it works. I like it. :)

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  9. Why you little devil! Here I was expecting the worst, wondering what injuries this poor doomed soul had sustained and how and boom - right through the camera lens, and i am sitting at your desk!
    a bizarre take on the prompt!
    Yours,
    Lindaura
    who can be found here: http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com

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  10. I must concur this one came at me out of nowhere. I, too, am curious what would have become of him. Will we ever know? I think not.

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  11. Oh, I liked this. That second paragraph was a surprise!

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    1. Thanks for taking the time to read my piece.

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  12. This is probably the most creative approach I've read so far. I like that you speak from your own point of view of the story you're still writing.

    Amazing!

    My take: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/01/the-standpoint/

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    1. OMG, you are so sweet. Thanks alot :)

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