Saturday, June 9, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday: Fools and Runts V

Oh look, it's Sunday again which means I get to post another excerpt from my YA  manuscript, DWARFED. I'm still a little stunned by how well received last week's snippet was. You guys rock. 
The first for parts of this scene can be found in my sidebar. Personally, I'm very proud of this scene. Any and all comments and criticisms are appreciated, and will be appreciated.


            “That’s the runt.”
            The word causes a red curtain to cloud my vision and my intestines to twist into a tight knot. I’m caught between the impulse to attack him, and to race from this room and never speak to him again. “It looks fine to me.”
            “That's because these are only a few hours old.”
             “Why does its age matter?”

49 comments:

  1. Nice showing of her anger and confussion. :-)

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  2. Wow, a runt seems like serious business. Great emotions here!

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  3. Ok, now I just want to punch him... I think you did great, and the scene works, very touching six!

    One thing though, since there is no info on the way she responds (and she feels so strongly inside) I would have loved to have a visual representative of sorts.. "say through her teeth" or something.

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  4. Great description of her feelings.

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  5. Something tells me our heroine loves the underdog (and so do I)! Great six.

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    1. Who doesn't? I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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  6. Wow! The tension here is palpable. Clearly the heroine's hot button got pushed. Great six!!

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    1. That's what I was going for! Thanks!

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  7. Great emotions in this scene, Jess. Good for her. :)

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    1. Thanks for taking the time to read my SS snippet.

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  8. Great reveal of her emotion, Jess. Lovely six.

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  9. Oooh, clashing ideologies! They certainly view the runt in different lights. :-) Nice play of her emotions!

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  10. There's an argument brewing. Great tension!

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  12. Well I would slap him. Can't wait to see what she's going to do!

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    1. It was definitely a open mouth insert foot comment. In Luke's defense, he has a very "call 'm the way he sees 'em" person.

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  13. Here comes trouble, and I can't wait for next week to read it! Great job, Jess!

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  14. Lots of tension in this scene, Jess, both internal and external. Well done.

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    1. Thanks so much Silver, I always appreciate your thoughts.

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  15. Great job! Lots of tension and conflict brewing!

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  16. Aww, this is nice. I'm taking it that she's not from farming stock then - where they call a runt a runt meaning that it's something to take a little more care of so it doesn't go to waste?
    Misunderstandings are such fertile ground for plot. Fun six.

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    1. She's not a farm kid, which is 1 reason for her reaction, but Grace has achondroplasia dwarfism, so the comment hit close to home.

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  17. Love dialogue with tension brewing,and you've mastered it this week. Nicely done Jess!

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    1. Thank you, you're so kind to say so :)

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  18. Ah,, YA! It sounds like something up my daughter's alley! Can't wait ;)

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  19. Achondroplasia! That's awesome for a YA novel. And the dialog is wonderful.

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    1. We'll find out. If nothing else, Grace isn't like any of the other characters I've encountered in a lifetime of reading.

      Thanks for the compliment, I'm always a little gun shy about my dialogue, and about a hundred other things.

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  20. I had to go back to last week to see why this particu.ar conversation got her angry. Now, I see why. I think it's natural for people to be protective over animals that are young and unprotected, no matter the situation. You tapped into and displayed that sentiment well.

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    1. I agree with you about the protective instincts. Thanks for stopping by :)

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  21. Great tension in your six! I love the way you have their relationship give and take through the snippets you've shared so far. :)

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    1. Thank you. I'm shooting for a realistic feel.

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  22. Great emotion here. I wonder is he knows he just pissed her off :)

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  23. Great emotion in her reaction--"a red curtain" clouding her vision.

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