Oh look, it's Sunday again which means I get to post another excerpt from my YA manuscript, DWARFED. I'm still a little stunned by how well received last week's snippet was. You guys rock.
The first for parts of this scene can be found in my sidebar. Personally, I'm very proud of this scene. Any and all comments and criticisms are appreciated, and will be appreciated.
“That’s the runt.”
The
word causes a red curtain to cloud my vision and my intestines to twist into a
tight knot. I’m caught between the impulse to attack him, and to race from this
room and never speak to him again. “It looks fine to me.”
“That's because these are only a few hours old.”
“Why
does its age matter?”
Nice showing of her anger and confussion. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Jessica
DeleteWow, a runt seems like serious business. Great emotions here!
ReplyDeleteThanks Lisa!
DeleteOk, now I just want to punch him... I think you did great, and the scene works, very touching six!
ReplyDeleteOne thing though, since there is no info on the way she responds (and she feels so strongly inside) I would have loved to have a visual representative of sorts.. "say through her teeth" or something.
Great idea! Thanks!
DeleteGreat description of her feelings.
ReplyDeleteThank you Paula.
DeleteSomething tells me our heroine loves the underdog (and so do I)! Great six.
ReplyDeleteWho doesn't? I'm glad you enjoyed it!
DeleteWow! The tension here is palpable. Clearly the heroine's hot button got pushed. Great six!!
ReplyDeleteThat's what I was going for! Thanks!
DeleteGreat emotions in this scene, Jess. Good for her. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking the time to read my SS snippet.
DeleteI'm in love with the dwarf!!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat reveal of her emotion, Jess. Lovely six.
ReplyDeleteOooh, clashing ideologies! They certainly view the runt in different lights. :-) Nice play of her emotions!
ReplyDeleteThanks Teresa!
DeleteThere's an argument brewing. Great tension!
ReplyDeleteevocative
ReplyDeletewell done
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ReplyDeleteWell I would slap him. Can't wait to see what she's going to do!
ReplyDeleteIt was definitely a open mouth insert foot comment. In Luke's defense, he has a very "call 'm the way he sees 'em" person.
DeleteHere comes trouble, and I can't wait for next week to read it! Great job, Jess!
ReplyDeleteLots of tension in this scene, Jess, both internal and external. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Silver, I always appreciate your thoughts.
DeleteGreat job! Lots of tension and conflict brewing!
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteAww, this is nice. I'm taking it that she's not from farming stock then - where they call a runt a runt meaning that it's something to take a little more care of so it doesn't go to waste?
ReplyDeleteMisunderstandings are such fertile ground for plot. Fun six.
She's not a farm kid, which is 1 reason for her reaction, but Grace has achondroplasia dwarfism, so the comment hit close to home.
DeleteLove dialogue with tension brewing,and you've mastered it this week. Nicely done Jess!
ReplyDeleteThank you, you're so kind to say so :)
DeleteAh,, YA! It sounds like something up my daughter's alley! Can't wait ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteLots of tension here....
ReplyDeleteAchondroplasia! That's awesome for a YA novel. And the dialog is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteWe'll find out. If nothing else, Grace isn't like any of the other characters I've encountered in a lifetime of reading.
DeleteThanks for the compliment, I'm always a little gun shy about my dialogue, and about a hundred other things.
I had to go back to last week to see why this particu.ar conversation got her angry. Now, I see why. I think it's natural for people to be protective over animals that are young and unprotected, no matter the situation. You tapped into and displayed that sentiment well.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you about the protective instincts. Thanks for stopping by :)
DeleteGreat tension in your six! I love the way you have their relationship give and take through the snippets you've shared so far. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm shooting for a realistic feel.
DeleteGreat emotion here. I wonder is he knows he just pissed her off :)
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteGreat emotion in her reaction--"a red curtain" clouding her vision.
ReplyDelete