Sunday, October 28, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday 10/28/12

I hope everyone on the east coast is clear of the hurricane, and able to kick back and get the most of this last weekend before NaNoWriMo.

This week's snippet picks up where last week's ended, which happened to be smack dab in the middle of a paragraph. I think this is the first time I've posted a snippet that really delves into some of the complications Grace experienced as a result of her achondroplasia.

I don’t remember my first year, but my parents often speak of that time. Even now, they grow pale and seem to age when they speak about the stays in the hospital.  When I was a month old I contracted my very first respiratory virus, and continued to play host to one virus after another. This would have been bad for any child, but my smaller air passages were unable to deal handle. The hospital staff and my parents lived in a state of constant fear I was going to suffocate. I touch the base of my throat, tracing the nearly invisible scar left behind from the tracheostomy I'd needed in order to finally kick the respiratory problems and go home.

23 comments:

  1. A lot of information I knew nothing about. I like it when a book I read for its entertaining story, also teaches me something :-)

    One small thing I'd change--the use of the word "speak", once in the first sentence and then again in the second. Just sort of jumped out.

    Good six!

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  2. This is all new to me, too. I was a bit confused at first by the absence of piggies. :) And I think "deal handle" is maybe missing a word in between?

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    1. That's the one problem with the six sentence set up, it makes scenes like this a bit challenging. Grace and Luke are still in the farrowing room with the piglets. This bit, which really didn't seem that long until I started cutting it into six sentence chunks, was used to help Grace connect more strongly with the piglet. It also provided me with a fairly natural place to provide a tiny bit of insight into some of the health issues, some of the people with achodroplasia suffer.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I always appreciate it!

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  3. I thought the emotions were so real and the fact that her parents can't talk about it without going pale just from talking about it. Great six! loved it. :-)

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  4. It's hard when your child is sick and you can't do anything. No wonder they go pale. Poor them and poor Grace.

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    1. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for parents to have to stand back when their child is ill. Thank you for stopping by :)

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  5. I've never been that sick or had a child, but I've had furbabies who've been very very sick so I can definitely relate to her parents' reaction. :)

    I like the excerpt. It strikes me that in this short piece, I don't get a sense of how Grace feels about not remembering the trauma her body went through in her first year. That might not have a place in your story. I just mention it because Grace seems 3D and I'd find it interesting to know how she feels about that.

    Yeah I miss the piggies too :) Looking forward to more of the story.

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    1. Thank you, your insights are always welcome. I never thought much about how Grace feels about not remembering the trauma she went through in her first year. I have read about other children who have gone through similar crisis and they seem to take it in stride, or they're so focused on their current health problems they don't have the energy to look back.

      The pigs are coming back, next week I think, assuming I counted the sentences correctly.

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  6. "and seem to age when they speak about"
    Great line, Jess!
    You just described something I've often seen in my own parents but never found the words.
    Thanks!

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    1. My dad gets the same look from time to time. Thanks!

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  7. Interesting, yet a realistic six. Love how you use her history to explain her situation. And yes, I love that line "an seem to age when they speak out" - good choice of words!

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  8. Now we know why she feels for the little pig so much.

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  9. Great way to bring in an explanation/back story, but keep us in the moment with the feel of scar. Nice six!

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  10. Great six! A short but effective backstory, but making it current with touching the scar.

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  11. That certainly puts her whole life into perspective. Good backstory six, Jess. :)

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  12. Oh wow. What a backstory for a character!

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  13. This reads like a memoir. Compelling, sensitive. She has struggled since she was born. And, I feel she cares about the tiny piglet because of her earlier struggles as an infant.

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  14. Love the backstory and how you've worked it in. But I, too, wonder about that "deal handle." Looks like you might have started a correction and it didn't come out right--"deal with it" or "handle it" would make sense.

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    1. Typos will be the bane of my existance :/ Thanks for stopping by.

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  15. Great back story. I'm intrigued.

    Jess-- about the typos- we've all been there. That's why I love my editors. :)

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