Friday, December 7, 2012

Friday Fictioneers 12/7/12



Tenebrous 
109 words
Rachel’s nails carve crescent moons into her shaking palms. The hag’s lips split in a wide smile, and she opens the door revealing … dense blackness. Something, equal parts wonderful and terrifyingly powerful, hides in the depths. Bracing one hand on frame, Rachel leans closer. The impermeable shadows whisper indistinct promises.
A shiver runs through her. Some inner sense warns if she does it, if she steps over the threshold, she’ll never be able to go back.
As she starts drawing back, something hits her back, slamming into the spot directly between her shoulder blades, and she trips over her dripping skirt, hurtling head first into the shack.


This week's prompt was provided by the talented Rich Voza. My story took a sharp turn from what I expected to write, that's how things go sometimes. Links to the creative writers participating in this week's challenge can be found here. Thanks for taking the time to read my flash fiction.



 




22 comments:

  1. Dear Jess,

    Well, I'm hooked (and crossing the threshold with Rachel). Who pushed her and why will have to wait. For now I just want to know what lies in store for her in the darkness. Well told tale today.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, I'm curious to see where it leads.

      Delete
  2. "The impermeable shadows whisper indistinct promises."

    Great sentence! Even that alone makes a story.

    Excellent job, Jess, that really keeps us guessing to the end and beyond.

    ReplyDelete
  3. help me out, miss. what is a "dripping skirt"? i love the tension of the moment. also, why is she carving on her palm? is that something like a signature, like part of a process of casting a spell or something?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If a person's fingernails are long enough (mine aren't) and they close their hands in a tight fist, sometimes the nails will leave crescent shaped indentations in their skin. The dripping skirt was to indicate she's soaking wet. In the longer scene I wrote, it's raining.

      Thanks for taking the time to read my snippet, and for asking questions, it helps me determine how clear my writing is :)

      Delete
  4. Very intense and scary, enjoyed the read.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I thought the dripping skirt was a flowing fabric! Glad to get the rain info though. Nice job of suspense...besides the other person present as a question, there is the question of what IS going on through the doorway.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Well written story. Scary and dark. I definitely wanted more!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Very gripping tale, Jessica. I enjoyed that, and I don't often like present tense tellings :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. nice Jessica -- That hooked me, and left me wanting to know more.

    ReplyDelete
  9. You really captured the tension here - I was almost goose-pimpley. Nice work Jessica.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Love your title, Jess. A dark tale indeed. Good build of tension right down the picture of her hand clenched so tight her nails left indentations. Nicely told. Always leave 'em wanting more.
    shalom,
    Rochelle

    ReplyDelete
  11. HI Jess,
    Ouch, that had to hurt. I've heard the phrase, don't go into the light, but it seems equally perilous to go into the dark! Ron

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dark and sinister. I hope Rochelle is safe. For the sake of all of us! ;)

    Parul

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dark and intense. I want to know what happens next. What has she fallen into? I'm scared for her.

    ReplyDelete
  14. "Some inner sense warns" -- that phrase reminded me of a line from one of my favorite poems:

    "They flash upon that inward eye
    Which is the bliss of solitude"

    Although in this case it's obviously not as pleasant as gazing upon daffodils.

    Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Some wonderful descriptive phrasing in there. Well done.

    ReplyDelete