Sunday, January 6, 2013

Six Sentence Sunday 1/6/13



Yikes, problems with Blogger has me running way late with this weeks Six Sentence Sunday. After a two week holiday hiatus which I spent with family I'm back with another snippet from my YA manuscript DWARFED. Thanks for taking the time to read it!  

            “Grace.”

Startled, I spin in a ninety degree turn, and find myself staring at a small rip in Luke’s t-shirt that provides tantalizing glimpses of his navel. Swallowing, I tip my chin up and look into his eyes.
     “I'll show you where the milk replacer and all the stuff you're going to need is. We’re also going to have to come up with some place to put your pig.” He glances over his shoulder at the nursery crate where the sow grunts softly as her piglets swarm around her belly,  knocking the littlest baby aside as they fought for a teat.

39 comments:

  1. Problems with Blogger: I sympathize! Glad to see this excerpt up though.

    First let me say that "in a ninety degree turn" seems unnecessary. And if she sees "a" tear, shouldn't it be "a glimpse"? Nitpicky but details are my thing :) Neither breaks the scene.

    Next let me say I really like this! It's totally appropriate to mention that when she turns, she doesn't see his face right away. Love the "tantalizing".

    You sure know how to push the "awww" button! You offer a clear visual of that poor little piglet and it's guaranteed to make readers melt all over the floor :D

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  2. I agree with Owllady. The awwww factor is strong today. :) I agree with her glimpse suggestion and also,

    ...each of the knocking...

    I'm wondering if you meant "them" rather than "the" followed by another word that got left out?

    This is a good scene!

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    1. Yep, I just read through it again and found a few typos. I think I've taken care of them. Thanks so much for your fantastic suggestions :)

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  3. Great description! I love that Luke is helping her out. Maybe he's not such a bad guy. :-)

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  4. Owllady already made some good suggestions. I'd agree on the 90 degree turn. Other than that, it's a well-crafted excerpt. Wonderful job, Jess!

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    1. Thank you! I agree with the thoughts.

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  5. Come over to the dark side...wordpress doesn't glitch (knock on wood).

    I missed your piggies! Your descriptions are always the best, I think, when you are writing about them. It shows how much love and experience that you have, and even though (brutally honestly) I'm not a farm-interested kind of person, the love that you have makes your story compelling.

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    1. I'm starting to think about wordpress, though I suspect most of my problems stem more from my internet connection than the program.

      I'm super excited a non-farm person is able to connect with my fictional piglets, I think that means I'm doing something right.

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  6. Aw, I like her awareness here of his body and then how he's helping her...

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  7. I like the way she sees his body before his face. There's some lovely word usage in these six sentences, both in the way he is described and in the way the piglets and sow are described. I'd agree on the 90 degree turn, I think it's a little too precise and unnecessary. But it's a great 6 :)

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  8. You do a nice job of reinforcing her height without being obvious about it. Watch the change of tense in the last sentence, though. And thanks for looking at other posts than my six.

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  9. Great six and lovely visual. I could see the piglets fighting for position.

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  10. Enough about the piglets, let's get back to the tantalizing rip in his shirt! Oh, okay, the pigs are cute too, but I like the subtle sexual tension in the first bit. Great six!

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  11. Love the piglets -and love the rip in his shirt even more!

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  12. Great mixing of two threads--the barn animal isn't the pig cute oh I want one, moment and ...the ripped body under the ripped shirt, a totally different oh I want one moment. :)

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  13. Excellent excerpt - enjoyed the contrast between her awareness of that enticing nipple under his shirt and the piglets...

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  14. I loved this, Jess. So glad that Grace is getting the runt. Will you continue with SSS? I hope people will post it on Twitter. :-)

    Good snippet. I look forward to reading "Dwarfed" after it's published! :-)

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  15. Love those little glimpses you get when clothing is ripped! Nice six!

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  16. She gets to take the runt? Yay! Grace will be so good to that little one. Nice six!

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  17. Cute little piggies! Great six and good to have you back.

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  18. Welcome back. I hope you had a grand holiday.

    Mmm strategically placed rips are far sexier than nudity. :)

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  19. I love the description of the little piglets, and how she gets to nurse the runt. A lot of runts have done very well with the right loving human.

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  20. Gotta love those tantalizing glimpses! (I'm always a fan for one!)

    Great 6, Jess! Wishing you a wonderful 2013!

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  21. LOL - great juxtaposition of the piglet issue and a tantalizing view! Great six.

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  23. You do such an amazing job of capturing the moment. Such a sweet six, and that last line is so bittersweet.

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  24. Way behind on commenting, but that's another lovely six.

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