Saturday, March 9, 2013

Sunday's Dwarfed Snippet

Both Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday provide writers with different interests and talents to shared writing snippets and advice. The rules for both groups are simple. Post a snippet from, in my case, work-in-progress. After posting, I get to read the snippets the other participants have posted. It's a sweet deal! 

Last week I had several first time visitors, or at least first  time commentators so I'm doing a short set up.

DWARFED is a YA manuscript featuring 16 year old Grace, who temporarily finds herself living on a working hog farm in Michigan, Luke Searc, who works for the farm, and Sp─ôs, a newborn piglet who needs a little extra care. Grace has a big heart and a stubborn nature. She also has a genetic condition called achondroplasia dwarfisam.

A collection of snippets from DWARFED can be found here. And now, this week's snippet.



          “Grace.” Luke hesitates. He looks like he wants to say something but is having a difficult time finding the right words.
            My teeth sink into my lip and silently willing him to not mention our near kiss. My brain has turned to mush, important components have shorted out, until I get it sorted out there’s no way I can talk about what nearly happened.
I hug the little pig more closely my breastbone. She sighs and rests her chin on shoulder. I should be grateful, she saved me from making a huge mistake. Still, a part of my head, a part that must have sustained the most damage, feels disappointed.



I forgot to mention it, but I want to give a big shout out to one of my favorite youth organizations, 4-H. If you weren’t a part of the 4-H scene while you were a kid, you have no idea what you missed out on. If you have kids, you should get them involved, you’ll be glad you did!


 







42 comments:

  1. Surely, they'll have to talk about the near kiss. A lot of emotion in this snippet. :)

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  2. I hope he's going to surprise her. I love the emotion and Grace's interaction with the piglet. These were a really sweet set of sentences.

    There's a couple of places where you've missed words out e.g. "I hug the little pig more closely my breastbone."

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  3. Every time I come here I want to start my comments with "awwww"! You take a section that could have been bland telling and make it relevant & interesting by keeping it in Grace's voice. Really nice excerpt!

    In this spot "and silently willing him to not mention" I think you mean "will". BTW I also like how you mix her movements and her thoughts; I think that helps with characterization.

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    1. Thanks, I kept going back and forth on willing vs. will. It's always nice to have a second opinion.

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  4. I hope they get a chance to talk about that kiss. She doesn't seem to be able to stop thinking about it. Loved this, great job. :)

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  5. This was a very good snippet makes me want to learn more about both of them. Thanks for sharing!

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  6. My first reaction was, awwww, too. This is a really sweet story, and I'm loving watching it unfold. I hope they do talk about it at some point. And I agree...fantastic emotion in this.

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  7. I adore Luke and I want to know what he was going to say, darn it! LOL, another excellent excerpt!

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    1. I'm quite fond of him myself :) It also might be the one and only time he hasn't simply blurted out the first thought that crossed his mind.

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  8. I love the fresh premise and sweetness of this story and look forward to your snippets every week. :-)

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

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    1. Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it.

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  9. Love the scene, Jess. Also, glad to know you're a fellow alumni of the 4-H. I'm a ten year veteran. :D

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    1. Thanks! It was a big part of my life from ages 5-18. My dad is still heavily involved.

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  10. Nicely done. You handle the blend of tension and sweetness very well. =D

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    1. Thanks, it's certainly a balancing act.

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  11. Love the real emotion you show here. Well done.

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  12. So sweet! I love reading about Grace and Luke.

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  13. Her vulnerability is so sweet. Nicely done, Jess.

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  14. Oh, this is so beautifully in her POV, so achingly sweet and embarrassed and all those teen feelings. One typo: silently willing him Should Be: silently *willed* him.

    Great snippet, very evocative.

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  15. Wonder what he's thinking? Wonderful scene, but as written her teeth are willing! Also, the 5th sentence needs an "and." Good description of how she's attributing her confusion to the knock on the head.

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  16. This excerpt kinda makes me sad (but not in a bad way?). I suppose that means job well done...

    Great post, Jess :)

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  17. I hope they talk about the near kiss! I can just picture the whole scene. :-)

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  18. I hope they talk about the almost kiss too. She still has the piglet to hug for comfort if they do. Nice scene, Jess.

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  19. Talking about a near kiss can be awkward but they should deal with it sooner rather than later. Enjoyed that moment when she hugged the piglet.

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  20. Oh boy, talk about tangled emotions. Poor Grace has such a big heart and a complicated situation. I feel for her.

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  21. Bwahaha! The part of her head registering the disappointment is the part that took the most damage. I like that. I can relate sometimes!

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  22. I love how she tried to analyze her thoughts and feelings, and how the piglet seems to comfort her.

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  23. What was he going to say??!! LOL
    I think they have to talk about the kiss--I hope it ends up positive!
    I'm enjoying this story! :)

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  24. Oh, the terror and anticipation of what he'll say. Nicely done, Jess. :)

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  25. I love this story, and it just keeps getting better and better. I hope it's a HEA. :-) Nice job, Jess!!

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  26. I love the way you've captured her insecurities about any mutual liking, she seems sweet.

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  27. Animals can be so comforting. This sounds like a great story, Jess!

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  28. I don't know what happened to my comment. I'm not having much luck today, LOL. I love the piglet's sigh and Grace's reference to her own head damage. So cute!

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