DWARFED is a YA manuscript featuring 16 year old Grace, who temporarily finds herself living on a working hog farm in Michigan, Luke Searc, who works for the farm, and Spēs, a newborn piglet who needs a little extra care. Grace has a big heart and a stubborn nature. She also has a genetic condition called achondroplasia dwarfisam.
A collection of snippets from DWARFED can be found here. And now, this week's snippet.
“Grace.” Luke
hesitates. He looks like he wants to say something but is having a difficult
time finding the right words.
My teeth sink into my lip and silently
willing him to not mention our near kiss. My brain has turned to mush,
important components have shorted out, until I get it sorted out there’s no way
I can talk about what nearly happened.
I hug the little pig more closely my breastbone.
She sighs and rests her chin on shoulder. I should be grateful, she saved me
from making a huge mistake. Still, a part of my head, a part that must have sustained
the most damage, feels disappointed.
I forgot to mention it, but I want to give a big shout out
to one of my favorite youth organizations, 4-H. If you weren’t a part of the
4-H scene while you were a kid, you have no idea what you missed out on. If you
have kids, you should get them involved, you’ll be glad you did!
Surely, they'll have to talk about the near kiss. A lot of emotion in this snippet. :)
ReplyDeleteI hope he's going to surprise her. I love the emotion and Grace's interaction with the piglet. These were a really sweet set of sentences.
ReplyDeleteThere's a couple of places where you've missed words out e.g. "I hug the little pig more closely my breastbone."
Every time I come here I want to start my comments with "awwww"! You take a section that could have been bland telling and make it relevant & interesting by keeping it in Grace's voice. Really nice excerpt!
ReplyDeleteIn this spot "and silently willing him to not mention" I think you mean "will". BTW I also like how you mix her movements and her thoughts; I think that helps with characterization.
Thanks, I kept going back and forth on willing vs. will. It's always nice to have a second opinion.
DeleteI hope they get a chance to talk about that kiss. She doesn't seem to be able to stop thinking about it. Loved this, great job. :)
ReplyDeleteThis was a very good snippet makes me want to learn more about both of them. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteMy first reaction was, awwww, too. This is a really sweet story, and I'm loving watching it unfold. I hope they do talk about it at some point. And I agree...fantastic emotion in this.
ReplyDeleteAh, young love!
ReplyDeleteI adore Luke and I want to know what he was going to say, darn it! LOL, another excellent excerpt!
ReplyDeleteI'm quite fond of him myself :) It also might be the one and only time he hasn't simply blurted out the first thought that crossed his mind.
DeleteI love the fresh premise and sweetness of this story and look forward to your snippets every week. :-)
ReplyDelete~Joyce Scarbrough
Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it.
DeleteLove the scene, Jess. Also, glad to know you're a fellow alumni of the 4-H. I'm a ten year veteran. :D
ReplyDeleteThanks! It was a big part of my life from ages 5-18. My dad is still heavily involved.
DeleteNicely done. You handle the blend of tension and sweetness very well. =D
ReplyDeleteThanks, it's certainly a balancing act.
DeleteLove the real emotion you show here. Well done.
ReplyDeleteSo sweet! I love reading about Grace and Luke.
ReplyDeleteHer vulnerability is so sweet. Nicely done, Jess.
ReplyDeleteOh, this is so beautifully in her POV, so achingly sweet and embarrassed and all those teen feelings. One typo: silently willing him Should Be: silently *willed* him.
ReplyDeleteGreat snippet, very evocative.
Wonder what he's thinking? Wonderful scene, but as written her teeth are willing! Also, the 5th sentence needs an "and." Good description of how she's attributing her confusion to the knock on the head.
ReplyDeleteThis excerpt kinda makes me sad (but not in a bad way?). I suppose that means job well done...
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Jess :)
Awww, I feel for her!
ReplyDeletePoor thing. Nice snippet!
ReplyDeleteI hope they talk about the near kiss! I can just picture the whole scene. :-)
ReplyDeleteI hope they talk about the almost kiss too. She still has the piglet to hug for comfort if they do. Nice scene, Jess.
ReplyDeleteTalking about a near kiss can be awkward but they should deal with it sooner rather than later. Enjoyed that moment when she hugged the piglet.
ReplyDeleteOh boy, talk about tangled emotions. Poor Grace has such a big heart and a complicated situation. I feel for her.
ReplyDeleteBwahaha! The part of her head registering the disappointment is the part that took the most damage. I like that. I can relate sometimes!
ReplyDeleteI love how she tried to analyze her thoughts and feelings, and how the piglet seems to comfort her.
ReplyDeleteWhat was he going to say??!! LOL
ReplyDeleteI think they have to talk about the kiss--I hope it ends up positive!
I'm enjoying this story! :)
Aww, so sweet that young angst.
ReplyDeleteOh, the terror and anticipation of what he'll say. Nicely done, Jess. :)
ReplyDeleteI love this story, and it just keeps getting better and better. I hope it's a HEA. :-) Nice job, Jess!!
ReplyDeleteI love the way you've captured her insecurities about any mutual liking, she seems sweet.
ReplyDeleteAnimals can be so comforting. This sounds like a great story, Jess!
ReplyDeleteI don't know what happened to my comment. I'm not having much luck today, LOL. I love the piglet's sigh and Grace's reference to her own head damage. So cute!
ReplyDelete