The past few weeks I've been posting romantic snippets from my Georgian novella, Snowflakes & Beeswax, this week I'm changing things up and adding some mystery. Hope you like it. Don't forget WeWriWa linky list and readout the amazing samples a whole group of talented writers have posted. I promise, you'll be glad you did!
Some creative editing was used to make the snippet fit.
Later, when the moon reached its zenith and Madelyn slept, Oliver slipped from the cabin and moved towards the Hawthorne, stopping where he’d seen the figure. It hadn’t been a cow, it had been a man; someone who thought they were concealed by the darkness and safe to watch the little farm.
Oliver crouched and used his finger to trace the shape of a boot print stamped in the snow. Whoever the person was, he’d been big and where no long gone. Most likely they’d slipped away as soon as they realized he’d been spotted.
Oliver glanced down at the dog sitting beside his feet. The animal’s tails swept across the ground, his ears were perked and he stared into the darkness.
His behavior bothered Oliver; Jack must have known someone lurked in the shadows and should have sounded an alarm and run over to the spot, the same way he’d charged up to Oliver and Sebastian when they had arrived on the farm.
If you liked this snippet, feel free to head over to Amazon and pick up a copy of the paperback or download the ebook to your Kindle!
So the dog knows the watcher? It couldn't be Sebastian, could it?
ReplyDelete(I'm can't seem to read the second sentence in the second paragraph right---is there a word missing or maybe an extra word in there, or do I just need more coffee this morning?)
I read this snippet three times before posting and still missed the fact that Jack apparently has two tails. I agree that the last sentence is a little awkward and seems to have a word missing after spot, but for the life of me, I can't think of what it is. I'll have to check when I switch to the computer that has my manuscript on it. Thanks!
DeleteHmmm, but Jack didn't, so he must know whoever it was standing out there watching??? Good mystery, Jess! :-)
ReplyDeleteI agree, it seems the dog knows the mysterious person.
ReplyDeleteYes that's a strange acceptance from Jack. Intriguing and entertaining snippet!
ReplyDeleteI hope Oliver realizes this means Jack knew the stranger. the snippet ends with the right amount of tension :)
ReplyDeleteOooh.... The reaction of the dog is a wonderfully telling bit of information. Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I figure if there's going to be a critter in the story, the might as well have a purpose!
DeleteI think Jack is hiding something from Oliver. He has a right to be suspicious of him and the dog. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteGood scene. There's something amiss with your description of boot and use of they referring to the intruder. Maybe he would be better instead of they since it's only one person.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the added layer of mystery and how you deepen it further through the dog's non-reaction to the intruder. Excellent excerpt!
ReplyDeleteoh lovely suspense here. I agree with Charmaine though your meaning comes through. And yeah, adding that bit about Jack was a great idea :D :D
ReplyDeleteObvious to anyone who know dogs: whoever left the prints is known to the dog as an accepted visitor.
ReplyDeleteAh, who the heck is watching the farm?
ReplyDeleteNice mystery here.
ReplyDelete"where no long gone" ? "was not long gone"? I hope he was gone long enough that he's not still lurking and about to club Oliver.
ReplyDeleteyes one awkward sentence and the last one - maybe a different word than spot?
ReplyDeleteHooked by the mysterious watcher and the dog's silence. I definitely want to know more.
ReplyDeleteOK this is a bit mysterious. The dogs reaction is key. Does the dog know this person? (I was going to mention the "where no long gone" too. I'm assuming a typo. Was now long gone? Anyway... why is he watching I wonder? You know me, I love the mysteries!
ReplyDelete(Sighned up for snippets today, forgot to sign up for WWW before midnight last night. :( )
The Murders of Polly Frisch
Not only does the dog seem to know but he's not running around sniffing, but ears perked and looking as if waiting. If I were Oliver I'd be careful. Great snippet! (I was going to mention the "where no long gone" but noticed someone did so already ;-) )
ReplyDeleteSuspenseful! Lots of emotions for Oliver. Great snippet.
ReplyDeleteIt's a little bit scary. It seems that not only Jack knows the person but that he is also scared by him.
ReplyDeleteIn the sentence: Whoever the person was, he’d been big and where no long gone. Did you mean "and was now long gone." ?
An intriguing snippet there.
ReplyDelete