Sunday, May 27, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday:Fools and Runts 3

This week's snippet from my YA manuscript, DWARFED, picks up where last week's left off..


I edge into the room. It takes a second, but I suddenly realize that in addition to the large, disc-like nose, two equally disk like, but considerably smaller shapes jut out from between the battered steel bars.
A broad smile spreads across my face, as I gather up a handful of my long skirt in my hand and charge across the room. “Babies!” 
My approach startles the pair, who race to the far end of the crate, crashing into the heap of other piglets, and causing the entire mountain of porcine flesh to squeal and squirm until the two adventurers seem to have been swallowed by the mass. 
“Oh my God," the words escape in a sigh of adoration "they’re so precious.” 

 Photo selected from Flicker.com
Any and all comments/criticisms will be appreciated and given do consideration.
You can find links to additional authors taking part in this week's Six Sentence Sunday here.


40 comments:

  1. There's something incredibly appealing about piglets. Pigs too. Very nice six.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've always thought so. Thanks for stopping by.

      Delete
  2. Nice Six, I love your style, Jess, so much warmth in your words!

    Just one complaint though, the 5th sentence is a bit packed, and I thought about how you could best "decompress" it without losing its charm.
    Maybe leave out the first half sentence "kneeling", because that information is sort of implied anyways or you could try to separate plot thread "you startling" from "them reacting" - you def. need the swallowed part at the end. I'm not sure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Excellent advice, thanks! I'll play with it some more and see what I come up with.

      Delete
  3. Great description Jess, I felt like I could see the whole thing play out!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love her reaction to the piglets - and theirs to her! Great description of the scene and how it unfolds. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is so vivid and brings the setting to life. And seriously, nothing is cuter than baby pigs. I'm glad I found your snippet --I was looking for the writer who wrote about the pigs last week and it took me a while to remember your name.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad you found me. Thanks for your sweet comments!

      Delete
  6. I love there is finally a heroine to root for in a farming book! Seriously, this is exciting and fresh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahh, you're so sweet. I want to write something that puts a positive spin on farming, and Grace has to be someone I can connect with. A surprising number of the YA girls drive me crazy.

      Delete
  7. Awww, I love piglets!! Love the description Jess, it brings the whole scene to life. :) Now I just want to cuddle them all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've been around livestock all my life and haven't found anything that matches piglets when it comes to cuteness!

      Delete
  8. This brings back memories. Piglets are so sweet! And cute enough that I never even minded losing sleep to be in the barn when they were born. I love this six, Jess!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for stopping by.

      Delete
  9. I agree with Dasnuk. Even so, Jess, this is wonderful!

    "My approach startles the pair. Racing to the far end of the crate, they crash into the heap of other piglets. The entire mountain of squealing and squirming porcine flesh seems to swallow the two adventurers."

    I just love reading your weekly sixes! And what really amazed me today is how many sixers commented how cute baby pigs are! And they are, indeed, adorable. :-)

    Nice six!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, I'm working on that line and trying to clean it up. I really like your suggestion. I'm so glad your enjoying my weekly snippets. It does great things for my confidence.

      Thanks!

      Delete
  10. Piggies! *squee* What a fun six today!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Great description of the piglets, and love her reaction to them.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I love the description, Jess. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're welcome. Thanks for taking the time to stop in and read my snippet.

      Delete
  13. LOL! Babies!! Even for pigs, we can't help ourselves over babies. :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Awww, what an adorable scene and so believable. I want to scoop them up with her. You had me grinning in delight!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh my gosh, Jess. What an adorable snippet. Baby pigs are soooo cute. Love the photo, too. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, I've adored piglets for most of my life. Glad you like these ones.

      Delete
  16. Very nicely described, and who doesn't love piglets? Lovely six.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. I appreciate it.

      Delete
  17. A fine Six Jess. I really enjoy how you take your love of animals and incorporate it into your writing. Great details.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Replies
    1. I'm not sure about Grace, but I sure do :)

      Delete
  19. Awww, I love how you used their noses to hint at the new additions. That's a terrific little detail.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I thoroughly enjoyed this...I went back and read last week's, too, just to get grounded in the scene. I LOVE pigs!! (And all animals, and most bugs, LOL!) This looks to be a really fun story. Great six!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much. You comment completely made my day!

      Delete