I edge into the room. It takes a second, but I suddenly
realize that in addition to the large, disc-like nose, two equally disk like,
but considerably smaller shapes jut out from between the battered steel bars.
A broad smile spreads across my
face, as I gather up a handful of my long skirt in my hand and charge across
the room. “Babies!”
My approach startles the pair, who race to the far end of the crate, crashing into the heap of other piglets, and causing the entire mountain
of porcine flesh to squeal and squirm until the two adventurers seem to have
been swallowed by the mass.
“Oh my God," the words escape in a sigh of adoration "they’re so precious.”
Photo selected from Flicker.com
Any and all comments/criticisms will be appreciated and given do consideration.
You can find links to additional authors taking part in this week's Six Sentence Sunday here.
There's something incredibly appealing about piglets. Pigs too. Very nice six.
ReplyDeleteI've always thought so. Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteNice Six, I love your style, Jess, so much warmth in your words!
ReplyDeleteJust one complaint though, the 5th sentence is a bit packed, and I thought about how you could best "decompress" it without losing its charm.
Maybe leave out the first half sentence "kneeling", because that information is sort of implied anyways or you could try to separate plot thread "you startling" from "them reacting" - you def. need the swallowed part at the end. I'm not sure.
Excellent advice, thanks! I'll play with it some more and see what I come up with.
DeleteGreat description Jess, I felt like I could see the whole thing play out!
ReplyDeleteI love her reaction to the piglets - and theirs to her! Great description of the scene and how it unfolds. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is so vivid and brings the setting to life. And seriously, nothing is cuter than baby pigs. I'm glad I found your snippet --I was looking for the writer who wrote about the pigs last week and it took me a while to remember your name.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you found me. Thanks for your sweet comments!
DeleteI love there is finally a heroine to root for in a farming book! Seriously, this is exciting and fresh.
ReplyDeleteAhh, you're so sweet. I want to write something that puts a positive spin on farming, and Grace has to be someone I can connect with. A surprising number of the YA girls drive me crazy.
DeleteAwww, I love piglets!! Love the description Jess, it brings the whole scene to life. :) Now I just want to cuddle them all.
ReplyDeleteI've been around livestock all my life and haven't found anything that matches piglets when it comes to cuteness!
DeleteThis brings back memories. Piglets are so sweet! And cute enough that I never even minded losing sleep to be in the barn when they were born. I love this six, Jess!
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed it! Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteI agree with Dasnuk. Even so, Jess, this is wonderful!
ReplyDelete"My approach startles the pair. Racing to the far end of the crate, they crash into the heap of other piglets. The entire mountain of squealing and squirming porcine flesh seems to swallow the two adventurers."
I just love reading your weekly sixes! And what really amazed me today is how many sixers commented how cute baby pigs are! And they are, indeed, adorable. :-)
Nice six!
Yep, I'm working on that line and trying to clean it up. I really like your suggestion. I'm so glad your enjoying my weekly snippets. It does great things for my confidence.
DeleteThanks!
Piggies! *squee* What a fun six today!
ReplyDeleteGreat description of the piglets, and love her reaction to them.
ReplyDeleteI love the description, Jess. Thanks for stopping by my blog.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome. Thanks for taking the time to stop in and read my snippet.
DeleteLOL! Babies!! Even for pigs, we can't help ourselves over babies. :)
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed ti
DeleteAwww, what an adorable scene and so believable. I want to scoop them up with her. You had me grinning in delight!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it made you smile!
DeleteOh my gosh, Jess. What an adorable snippet. Baby pigs are soooo cute. Love the photo, too. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, I've adored piglets for most of my life. Glad you like these ones.
DeleteVery nicely described, and who doesn't love piglets? Lovely six.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. I appreciate it.
DeleteA fine Six Jess. I really enjoy how you take your love of animals and incorporate it into your writing. Great details.
ReplyDeleteFun six, Jess. She really likes pigs. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure about Grace, but I sure do :)
DeleteAwww, I love how you used their noses to hint at the new additions. That's a terrific little detail.
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed this...I went back and read last week's, too, just to get grounded in the scene. I LOVE pigs!! (And all animals, and most bugs, LOL!) This looks to be a really fun story. Great six!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. You comment completely made my day!
Delete