Here's the six sentences that follows the six I posted last week. I can't thank everyone enough for your wonderful comments. You've been amazing both with your support and your advice!
Luke watches the piglet tug at my shoelaces. “I know
it sounds harsh,” he says, “but I’ve tried saving runts before, and it’s never
ended …” His voice falter and dies as his grip on the metal bar tightens, and
his eyes slide up the length of my body until they eventually meet mine.
I
cross my arms over my chest and glare at him. “Please,” my voice has never
sounded so cold . “Go on.”
Six Sentence Sunday is a blogging event
that happens every week. A list of the participating authors can be found
at http://www.sixsunday.com/
It gets better and better each week. Wonderful job, Jess! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, I always appreciate you taking the time to stop by and offer up some suggestions :)
DeleteSo much tension and a hint of sadness. Great six! :)
ReplyDeleteThere is a whole lot of tension between them!
ReplyDeleteThat's what I'm shooting for! Thanks for taking the time to read my snippet. I appreciate it.
DeleteYep, it's slowly dawning on him that he's really stepped in it with her. Great six!
ReplyDeleteI suspect he's going to regret that honesty :)
ReplyDeleteThis is grand. He's moving from educating her in a somewhat patronising way, to perhaps realising that she's not just a bit 'small for her age'. the boy can learn! :)
ReplyDeleteThe setting for the discussion is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteThank you Cara.
DeleteAww, I hope she changes his mind & it works out this time!
ReplyDeleteI love how you show his moment of dawning 'oh crap' realisation! Great six.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Karen! I love how she says "go on." Looking forward to the next six.
DeleteI was pretty pleased with how it turned out, thank you.
DeleteNice six, Jess! I love these two characters. He's so farmer matter-of-fact about the runt, and she is so soft-hearted. Great tension. :-)
ReplyDeleteGreat six! I would love to read more.
ReplyDeleteSounds like he's going to get an ear-full. Good six, Jess.
ReplyDeleteGreat tension, and at last he's starting to realise ...
ReplyDeleteYep, he's definitely put his foot in his mouth with that one. Great six!!
ReplyDeleteVery nice interplay between the characters here. You manage to convey a lot about their relationship in just these few sentences -- nicely done!
ReplyDeleteHe better have a really good finish for that thought or this could get ugly. Great six, Jess!
ReplyDeleteHey everybody! My internet has taken to running at a ridiculously slow rate so I've opted for a blanket thank you for taking to time to stop by, read, and comment on my blog. I appreciate it :)
ReplyDeletegood interplay
ReplyDeleteThank you;)
DeleteSo much packed into a mere six sentences. You had me at "piglet tug at my shoelaces". Great six, Jess :-)
ReplyDeleteGreat six, I was enamored with the piglet, and felt the same response to Luke's words! Nice work with the body language to show reaction!!!
ReplyDeleteUh-oh. Great six! Love the tension here. :)
ReplyDeleteOuch. You captured this moment *so* well!
ReplyDelete