Friday, July 20, 2012

Friday Fictioneers: 7/20/12


Boo
113 words
grapevine
Ted advanced towards the grapevine tepee between the tool shed and the corner of the barn. He was struck with the hair raising sensation something lurked behind those vines. He could’ve sworn that the vines had moved and shifted without the benefit of any breeze.  It was silly. Still, the only way he would relax was removing the blasted vines.
                He glanced at his dog, Hap, who stared, fascinated, at the vines.
                “Okay,” he told the dog, “let’s get this over with.”
                The hedge clippers had barely completed the first cut when vines shook violently, as if caught in the middle of a tempest, causing both Ted an Hap to leap backwards, as fourteen fuzzy ducklings burst from the interior of the viney shelter and scrambled towards the barn.

Any and all comments and criticisms will be appreciated. To read some truly incredible flash fiction you should check out the other Friday Fictioneers.

24 comments:

  1. Cute surprise at the end, after making me think there was something ominous approaching.
    Two typos I think...Ted's a the beginning and there should be an 's' at the end of duckling...since there were 12. Aside from those easily fixable things...good job!
    I'm #3 on the list or www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/07/bittersweet.html

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    1. Oops, thank for pointing out my mistakes, and for stopping by, I loved your FF this week!

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  2. Oh so sweeet! Simply written and with great effect. Really lovely :)

    http://freejournowriter.wordpress.com/2012/07/19/fridayfictioneers-last-of-the-summer-vines/

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  3. I wasn't sure where this was headed until the last. I wasn't expecting ducklings! Sweetly done.

    http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/sweet-and-sour

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  4. That was a really gentle twist - lovely.

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/07/19/triple-exposure-friday-fictioneers-july-2012/

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  5. Aha excellent, the hair on the back of my neck was standing up at first and then what a delightful surprise :-)

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    1. Excellent. I wanted the beginning to be really creepy, but I lack the talent to do so in a hundred words. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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    2. Hey you're NOT lacking talent!!!

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  6. Clever reversal of emotions. I thought it was going to be a horror story, and it turns out to be ducks' day out. Nice story.

    http://ebooksscifi.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/pre-fall-by-ilyan-kei-lavanway-for-madison-woods-friday-fictioneers-100-word-flash-fiction/

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  7. You caught me out with this one. A lovely cute surprise ending.

    Here's mine
    http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/vines-fridayfictioneers-flashfiction/

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  8. Wonderful release of tension at the end! You had me convinced that this would either be a story of Eldritch Horror, or that at least there would be a rabid fox or something similarly dangerous in there. But ducklings?! Ducklings are the essence of harmless, slightly ridiculous cuteness. A perfect choice.

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    1. It was going to be piglets, but I couldn't come up with a reasonable explanation as to how a farmer could fail to notice that a sow and her family had gone missing. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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  9. I really did enjoy that the menace lurking in the vines ended up being duckings, and a whole lot of them to boot! Well done.

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  10. I was totally waiting for something from the triffids to transpire, even had the ice cream van music ready to play in my head (I do love that film, Day of the Triffids), but I loved your ending better than the one I was waiting for. Great job.

    http://mysocalleddutchlife.wordpress.com/2012/07/19/through-the-grapevine-ff-200712/

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  11. Awwww....you got me with our fuzzy duckies...I'm a sucker when it comes to sweet surprises. Nice work. Thanks for visiting me. When you have time, please return. A few young readers didn't understand my ref. to Strawberry Fields, So I added an explanation and photos at the end. I'm here: www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks for checking out my offering for the week. I thought your story was fantastic.

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  12. Love the duckings! (Although, as a Northerner, I had to wrap my head around "lush green vines" and "springtime babies.") My best suggestion to help improve the flow is to vary the use of the word "vines." There are a couple of places where you can use "they/them" or describe them instead. Readers need to know what you're talking about, but if you can introduce different ways of saying things, they'll find the writing more engaging. :)

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    1. Wow! Amazing suggestions! Thank you so much.

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