Friday, August 3, 2012

Friday Fictioneer: 8/3/12

I'm participating in Camp NANOWRIMO this month, and I'm challenging myself to use Madison's photo prompts to build on my project. Hopefully it works.

This week's FF piece came in at 131 words, longer than I wanted, but I cut it from the original 172 and felt that removing more would fracture the story. 

The photo prompt provided by Madison wood is a bleeding grape vine. 
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Thanks for stopping by. Any and all comments criticisms are always appreciated and given a great deal of consideration. Thanks again!

Thief

Cara grinned, showing the scrapes of grape skins caught on her teeth. “Look Keagen. They’re everywhere.”
                She liberated another grape from the vine. “You’re going to get sick if you eat too many.” I warned before moving to the shade of a Maple tree to wait out her grazing.  No sooner had I settled against the trunk, when Cara screamed.  
                I scooped her up. Her arms locked around my neck as the blood drained from my face and a scream clawed at my throat. Globs of puss dripped from the grapevines, falling to the ground in what looked like a melted pile of rotting brain tissue.
                A lanky boy stepped around the end of the vine, studying us as a slow smile spread across his face.
                “Good,” he said “more thieves.”

Now that you've read my piece, you need to check out some awe-insipiring writers also participating in this week's Friday Fictioneers. They can be found right here.

26 comments:

  1. I feel sorry for Cara. Sure, she took what wasn't hers, but how can one rejoice in another's suffering.
    Shame on the lanky boy.

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  2. I never knew grapes could be so frightening. I'll never look at a Thompson seedless quite the same way.
    www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/08/wild-life.html

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    1. I don't have a great deal of experience with the vines, so the bleeding vine was a new one. Yuck! I did some research and now feel confident that I could at least prune the vines without them bleeding, should the need ever arise.

      Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

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  3. Nice! I will be very careful gathering wild grapes for jelly from now on!

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    1. Ohh, that sounds really good right now!

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  4. I like the idea of "liberating" a grape from the vine. So much drama and menace in so few words - well done!

    Thanks for your comment on ours.

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    1. I do to, I kept trying to cut that sentence to shorten the word count, but I just couldn't do it. Thanks! I really liked your story.

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  5. Menacing is definitely the right word for this - a great start to a story. Well done.

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    1. I'm really pleased with how this one turned out. There's so many different directions that things could go from here. Thank you!

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  6. ooh, an interesting turn of events! I'm not sure I excalty know what happened - how did the pus appear so suddenly? - but I like how you've drawn the motherchild relationship and the viciousness of the boy.

    I'm over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/08/03/friday-fiction-torment/

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    1. Yeah, it is a little confusing. The idea was that Cara rounded a corner and encountered the go, I think it got edited out when I was trying to cut my word count. I really liked your wine guts story :)

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  7. oh the boy is so wicked!! Great excerpt!

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  8. Nicely done :)

    For you readers:
    http://adrarasdreams.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/fridayfictioneers-slime.html

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  9. It's a rough world for thieves these days!! Nice job.

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  10. Interesting, I wonder what he does with the thieves.
    Nicely done
    Here is mine yaralwrites.com

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  11. Great lesson learned by this example. Loved your voice and word choice.

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    1. Thank you! Lately, I've been obsessed with the idea of finding the perfect word to match the scene. I haven't quite nailed the concept, but I'm getting there.

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  12. Good job using that pic as a prompt. :-)

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  13. That was eerie. Very well done. Extremely creative!

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