Friday, October 5, 2012

Friday Fictioneer 10/5/12


   fiction, short reads, free reads, fresh fiction, kitchen scene

I love it when I can use the photo prompt (provided by Raina Ng) to write something with an agriculture theme.If anyone can think of a title for this one, I would appreciate it. It’s a rough first draft. At a 177 words I ran long, but I’m proud of my concept. I think this will be one that I have to clean up and work it into something submittal. Any and all types of comments and criticisms will be appreciated.

Thank you!
Untitled
177 words 

Hilary’s eyes skimmed the kitchen. Yesterday, they sat at the scarred kitchen table, sipping coffee while discussing the logistics of the harvest. At the time, she’d thought the temperamental combine was her biggest problem. Funny how fast perspectives change. 

Sock clad feet thump against the stairs, slower, heavier than most mornings. She turned, her breath catching, hope unfurling in her chest like a fledgling corn sprout bursting from the tilled soil as he stops in front of her. His bloodshot gaze seemed to find hers, almost focusing, before the energy drained from him. She’d never seen him like this before. 

After a moment, he squared his shoulders.

Nausea slammed into her as he stepped through her, shattering her physical presence. The world shimmered and whirled. By the time her molecules reattached, he’d poured a thermos of coffee and donned his battered cowboy hat, the brim hiding his sad eyes as he tugged on his work boots. Hilary accepted the truth. Harvest time stopped for nothing, not even her death.

Links to the author supremely talented writers participating in this week's Friday Fictioneers can be found right here

31 comments:

  1. Early Harvest is your title.

    I like the concept as well. Grim and ghostly and sad, your story left me wishing I could turn back time. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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    1. Aww, that's a sweet sentiment, thank you.

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  2. the concept is great, similar to mine so of course i like it, but i know you can cut that down to 100 and still keep the feeling.

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  3. A fine and intriguing story. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/10/05/fridayfictioneers-the-empty-heart/

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    1. Thank you for stopping by. I always appreciate it :)

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  4. Awww.... Lovely concept, Jess; I didn't see that twist coming. I had to read it a second time to appreciate my new understanding of the scene. Well done!

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  5. Very nice and surprisingly piece.

    I think it needs very little more to be in final form. You might want to divide up the first paragraph, perhaps right after the word "change."

    Good work.

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  6. Hi Jess,
    Ouch, my neck has a crick in it from that awesome twist. Unique and innovative take on the photo prompt. Speaking of photos, loved the one on your site. Is that a mule deer?
    Ron

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  7. It's an elk. One of the local farms raises a herd. They also have some Scottish Highland cattle, and bison.

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  8. Very creative take on the photo, Jess. I really like the twist at the end. As far as a title? How about simply "Harvest"?

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    1. That's not a bad idea. Thanks!

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    2. I agree with Jan "Harvest" or "The Harvest" feels good. I also found something about the words: "Scarred and Battered" that resonated with me for a while afterwards. Just a thought. Thanks so much for sharing it.

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  9. Very good, Jess. Liked it a lot. As for a title I thought something to do with reaping or Reaper maybe? A Time to Reap? Nah, gives too much away. (Good pun though!)

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    1. Not quite a good fit, but I appreciate the humor. Thanks!

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  10. Really good take on the prompt Jess; enjoyed this.

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  11. I'm glad someone wrote one longer than mine, lol.

    I like the concept. I do wonder if "thumb" should be "thump," though. "Thumb" makes me think of someone turning pages in a book. But maybe that's just me.

    Anyway, great story!

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  12. Yep, thump is exactly what it should be. Thanks!

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  13. Nice job, jess! Your ending resonated. The length didn't bother me, although I, too, think you could economize and cut it down if you really want to. Great descriptions.

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    1. Thank you. I think it could be more concise, I just didn't have time before posting it. I'm proud of how it turned out, minus the typos, especially since I really didn't spend all that much time with it. Thanks for stopping by.

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  14. A possible title - Apparition revisited? It sounds as if her ghostly disembodiment may have registered for just a moment,as if he focuses, it registers, then realizing that he could not bring her back, anyway. But the harvest would always be there, needing his immediate attention. His life and work had to continue. Is he the husband or father? A really good story. Thanks for visiting mine too, and the comments.

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    1. That's not a bad idea. Thank you. It's her husband. I quite liked your story.

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  15. Perfect Halloween story. But I think she needs to get even.

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  16. She needs to take revenge. A little arsenic in his morning coffee ... drip, drip. a little at a time.

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  17. (This is my third try to post a comment, I finally remembered it works better here with Firefox, so if there are other comments awaiting moderation, please don't post them all).:)

    Would "Nothing Stops the Harvest" be too long? It wouldn't be giving away the twist at the end. Good story. I've not been here before.

    I found your blog from the Muse Conference's introduction area. I too live in Michigan. You are a more consistent blogger than I. Part of the problem may be that I have too many blogs and not enough posts, but I'm hoping to rectify that eventually.

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  18. Oh no, I'm sorry that you had so much trouble posting. I usually use firefox and didn't realize there was a difference. That's title isn't bad, I'll have to put it in the running.

    I'm really not that good about blogging. I just happen to have found some blog hops that I enjoy, and try to participate in as often as possible. I'd never be able to keep up with more than one.

    It's nice to meet you :)

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  19. Really liked this Jess, and sorry it's taken me so long to return your visit. Amazing how I'm still getting pleasure from visiting last week's stories, and this week's prompt is up already.

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