Sunday, October 7, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday 10/7/12

It's time for another post from my YA manuscript, DWARFED. Turns out that the dang six sentences, and only six sentences rule has this week's snippet ending, well, abruptly. Sorry! This week's snippet picks up where last week's snippet ended.

Thanks again for your support and criticisms, you can't begin to imagine how helpful y'all have been. Make sure you swing by the official SSS website and check out the participants, you'll be amazed by the high quality of writing, as well as the variety of snippets.

            My stomach rolls over.
            The tiny piglet leans against the side of crate, her eyes rolling in porcine ecstasy as Luke’s fingernails lightly scrape back and forth across her back. I saw her less than 12 hours ago, but she looks like a completely different animal.  Her soft skin seems a size to big, bunching up around her neck and the tops of her legs. Her hip bones jut and I can clearly see her pelvis as well a few ribs. Compared to her fat and sassy litter mates, she looks seconds away from starvation.

 I know, with the exception of the fact that it does have a piglet in it, the photo has nothing to do with my snippet, but when I saw it on the We Heart it website, I knew it was to cute not to use.

54 comments:

  1. This is heartbreaking. I had the worst feeling after your last snippet.. Great sad six!

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    1. I had forgotten all about this scene until a few weeks ago when I was making what feels like the 1000th round of edits. It leads to one of my favorite moments in the manuscript.

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  2. The abrupt ending works well in this case. Your six really snap the heart strings. Well done. Great emotional six.

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    1. I'm not completely sold on the last sentence in this snippet, but I since I can't think of anything better, for now I'm going to keep it. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

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  3. Aw. Runts are so cute. and your six make it seem like she'll pull through. :)

    Thanks for stopping by this morning. I've posted the six for this week a few minutes ago. Hadrian's back. I hope you'll come check him out.

    OpenID doesn't like me today. wendysrusso.com. :)

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    1. Thank you Wendy. The snippet you posted this morning cracked me up. Nice job!

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    1. It was so cute, I couldn't resist posting it.

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  5. :( Poor little thing. This snippet really tugs on the heartstrings. BTW: did you mean "a size too big" instead of "a size to pig"? I had to read it several times to come up with what you *might* have meant to type. I sure hope you aren't offended when I see stuff like this, as this is the kind of stuff I miss in my own writing and LOVE it when someone makes it easy on me and tells me, LOL! Love, love, lovin' this story, BTW. Oh, and in case you haven't caught a clue yet: Great six!! =D

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    1. Offended? Absolutely not! I live for the day when I'm able to catch all my typos prior to me posting, until then, I'm grateful to anyone who does catch them. Thank you so much!

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  6. I LOLed at "a size to pig" - love the typos that pop up by association! I always feel extra connected to your six because I've seen this all first hand. Therefore I feel qualified (LOL) in saying you describe this all so well. Poor little pumpkin. =c( (But a great six!)

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    1. I'm so glad. I keep forgetting to ask what kind of pigs you raise. Thanks.

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    1. Life can be harsh, but I love the layer it adds to my manuscript. Thanks for stopping by.

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  8. Aww! This touches my heart so strongly. I love the little piglet and the pup. This story is so adorable and done so very well. GREAT SIX. Can't wait for more.

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    1. I'm glad you like it! I was nervous about the reactions I'd get to this scene when I started posting it a few weeks ago.

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  9. So sad and poignant. The emotions come through.

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    1. Thank you! I always worry that they either don't come through, or that I'm beating the reader over the head with them. You're good for my confidence.

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  10. Poor piglet. I'm interested to know what's wrong with her. You describe this very well - both the physical situation and the emotions involved.

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  11. Great description! Poor little piglet!

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  12. Awww, the little darling. One wants to scoop her up in a fleecy blankie and feed her. Great way to provoke emotion through showing.

    Might I just mention that, to me, hips and pelvis are so close in meaning that it seems unnecessary to mention them separately. Others may feel differently of course. Just a thought.

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    1. Yeah, I've been going back and forth with that description myself.

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  13. Oooh, the poor piggie! That was a poignant scene :)

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  14. Oh noes!!!!

    (You've done a terrific job making me care about these critters, BTW.)

    Great job!

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    1. Thank you so much. I've been reading Bloodskies. It's so good!

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  15. You have a way with description....I could so easily visualize this scene!

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  16. Heartbreaking!

    I love the photo though.

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  17. ahhhh :( this can't be good? Poor little critter... so touching, great six friend!

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  18. Feeling very concerned for that piglet! The description was excellent, could really place myself in the scene - terrific six.

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    1. Excellent, that was what I was shooting for!

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  19. That picture is the most adorable. It says so much! I love seeing animals care and love for one another. Your snippet is sweet.

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  20. Add mine to your list of accolades!
    Nicely done.

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  21. Aw, poor little thing. How are we not supposed to melt? Well done!

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  22. Aww, poor little thing. Hope it's going to recover. if it doesn't, I'll cry.

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  23. Poor piglet--and yet she's reacting positively to the back scratch. Doesn't seem ready to give up yet. Question is, does she really have something wrong with her, or are the others just crowding her away from the milk bar?

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  24. Oh, that poor baby! And I think the photo fits perfectly with your snippet. We get to see that tiny little piglet, and your description is spot-on.
    --Kimberly K. Comeau

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  25. Dang it, Jess. You always make me sniffle! Sometimes happily, sometimes, like today, a bit sad. I'm really pulling for the little piggy. (And I love the pic!)

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  26. Wonderfully descriptive! Great job!

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  27. Nice description. This would definitely be a tear-jerker for many readers. Hope the piggy won't starve.

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  28. Oh, no! Poor piglet! Can it pull through?
    Ryan
    p.s. Sorry I'm late (again!)

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