Last week I posted the 1st 8 sentences of a new project I'd just started writing. Although my writing time has been very limited this week, I'm having a great time with this project. I'm not sure where the story is going, but I do know it's set in the 13th century and it's going to be some kind of Gothic romance.
Branches
grabbed at her, catching in her hair and grabbing at the tattered cloak,
scraping her flesh, trying to bind her. Every time she broke free of one twig,
it seemed like another took its place.
Rachel panicked. Her arms failed and she
jerked this way and that, fighting the forest, too frightened to notice the
deep gouges multiplying on her face and hands, or the chunks of hair that
remained tangled on the trees after she managed to pass.
Rachel didn’t know how long she fought
her way through the trees, but when she came to the edge of them and stepped
into rolling pasture, relief rushed through her, so strong her knees nearly
buckled.
She didn’t think, she ran.
She managed two steps when an arm
reached out, wrapped around her waist, and jerked her against an unyielding body.
I liked the personification of the forest.
ReplyDeletePoor gal can't escape though, huh?
Someone or something is always grabbing her!
Nice 8!
Love this panic I can sense in this one. And the end! Whoot! Very nicely done!
ReplyDeleteVery scary. I can't wait to find out who grabbed her and why?
ReplyDeleteA vivid, almost sensual atmosphere permeates this scene through your beautifully descriptive writing. Rachel's panic and relief come across nicely, and just when she feels that relief she's gripped by fear again in the last line. Well done!!
ReplyDeleteHmmm . . . is he a friend or enemy? Can't wait to find out!
ReplyDeleteOh, wow. The tension is palpable in this, then the mysterious cliffhanger. Perfect teaser snippet!
ReplyDelete~Joyce Scarbrough
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Ahem...sorry...great stuff, fabulous creation of tension!
ReplyDeleteDark, scary, as if the forest wasn't frightening enough in its impersonal attacks, something or someone just became very personal. Well done!!
ReplyDeleteOh DEAR, I really got wrapped up in her panic, very effective excerpt! Wonder who this stout arm belongs to...
ReplyDeletelove the imagery in this snippet, and the tense last line!
ReplyDeleteI didn't see that coming, I thought something was going to happen once she got further away! I can hear her screaming already :D
ReplyDeleteHmmm, unyielding bodies are the best kind to be yanked up against! Tense, evocative snippet.
ReplyDeleteGreat scary scene with the forest fighting her. Then a brief relief and another scare. Wonderful.
ReplyDeleteWonderfully Gothic already, Jess! I can feel her panic and the claustrophobia of the forest. :D
ReplyDeleteThis is a gripping excerpt. Kudos!
ReplyDeleteOh so close and then to be pulled back...Eep! Great snippet, Jess. One small thing: If we're in her POV and she's "too frightened to notice the deep gouges multiplying on her face and hands, or the chunks of hair that remained tangled on the trees", then why mention it? A good way to say this and keep the detail is "Her fear overrode the deep gouges in her face and hands or the pain of each chunk if hair torn by the branches, left behind in her wake." This keeps it in her POV. :)
ReplyDeleteNice catch, Siobhan. :-) You are good with POV. :-)
DeleteWell, the hair could be a clue for trackers later. Nicely claustrophobic, but too many grabs. How about replacing the first with "reached for?"
ReplyDeleteI like the suggestions Siobhan made - they would definitely work. My overriding feelings after reading your 8 was Poor girl! She survives so much and finds herself caught after every thing she went through. Good work, you really made me care for her.
ReplyDeleteLove the emotion, and if this is your fist draft, don't worry about editing. It will just slow you down. Tweeted.
ReplyDeleteWho is it!! Friend or foe? You're going to make us wait, grr, lol. I felt her relief when she got to the pasture, bet she doesn't feel that way anymore. Fab snippet.
ReplyDeleteWonderful imagery, Jess, and that last line? A zinger! Can't wait to read more. :-)
ReplyDeleteThis is great. Can't wait to find out who grabbed her:)
ReplyDeleteYou've managed to convey her panic and fear wonderfully in this snippet. Very effective!
ReplyDeleteI hope bad guys didn't get her!
ReplyDeleteWonderful sense of momentum. Well done!
ReplyDeleteI'd like to see where this is going.
ReplyDeleteDo keep writing! I have just stopped by from the AtoZ Challenge and have put a link to your blog from my post today http://wp.me/p2Eu3u-lx
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