Sunday, April 28, 2013

Weekend Writing Snippet 4/28/13

I can't believe how helpful my fellow Weekend Writing Warriors and Sunday Snippeters were last week. Thanks for all the great suggestions!

Spring has finally sprung in Michigan, which makes it difficult to convince myself to chain myself to the computer and focus on writing. Hopefully, it will soon be warm enough to set up an outdoor writing station and soak up the sunshine while I play with my characters. I can't wait!

Today, I'm posting another snippet from my historical WIP, Tenebrous, which takes place during the Scottish War for Independence.The snippet picks up immediately after last week's.

Thanks for taking the time to check it out! Don't forget to check out the other talanted authors who've decided to participate this week. You won't be disappointed.



Rachel sagged against his shoulder, pressing her face to his broad back. There wasn’t any point in fighting, she couldn’t escape, not now. All she could do was lay still and conserve her energy and pray for something to happen. When it did, she needed to be ready to act.
            The man was familiar with the forest, slipping smoothly between the branches even as the forest grew darker and darker.
Rachel didn’t know how long they traveled before her captor stopped. It could have been five minutes or five hours. The muscles under her belly shifted and finger’s grabbed her right thigh, pinching the muscle through the tangled cloak, and tugged.


 






32 comments:

  1. This has a fantasy feel to it...Not sure if that's what you were going for..I'm a little tired right now. But it sounds quite good! I wish I would have remembered to post my stuff up on wewriwa...Least it's up on my blog, close enough. lol

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    1. If things go the way I want, it's going have a Gothic slightly paranormal plot, but I'm tentative. I tried writing a pure fantasy before with bad results. Hopefully, this time will net better results.

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  2. I really want to know what's going on here--and I'm glad she's waiting instrad of despairing.

    (psst--I'd take the apostrophe out of "fingers")

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  3. You've got me interested. I'd like to know what's happening here.

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  4. It seems to me that she is being carried (?) I am definitely intrigued. I sense she is biding her time and preserving energy.

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  5. Perhaps consider mentioning the impact on her stomach and with her head hanging down (blood rushing to her head? stomach queasy from the constant pressure and jabs/jerks of his shoulder as he ducks to avoid bushes/limbs).

    Nice observation by the female - and how she jusges his familiarity with the forest. Shows her thinking and evaluating.

    Very good #8Sentence - definitely want to find out what comes next - good job. Very enjoyable read.

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  6. I love the way you keep our interest up, sharing tiny details! I liked Susan's suggestions re some more physical details...but definitely another terrific snippet!

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  7. ooh Love this Jess! I'm not following you because I want to read more of this story! I'm a sucker for scottish historicals!

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    1. Thanks. I'm fond of them myself. Have you read any of Julie Garwood's historical novel?

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  8. "All she could do was lay still and conserve her energy and pray for something to happen. When it did, she needed to be ready to act."

    Aaah. Temporary submission. Maybe her captor will be caught unawares with her readiness when the time comes.

    Nice 8!

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  9. I liked this eight as well...and am curious to learn more about this story. I'll be looking forward to next week's post. :-)

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  10. Good descriptions of her feelings, the forest and what comes next.

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  11. She's so smart and brave, but I'm terribly nervous :) Captivating snippet.

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  12. I'm really, really curious about what's going on here, especially with that last sentence thrown in there. Great snippet!

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  13. Question: is he allied with what she's running from, what she's running to, or a third party?

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  14. You know how much I like this story, Jess. If you decide to go with gothic paranormal you're off to a great start. I like that Rachel is confused yet stays strong and patient. I love the air of mystery here, too, and the historical setting. Great work!

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  15. Great way to show her biding her time. Conserve energy now, run later. Good snippet, Jess. :)

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  16. "The muscles under her belly shifted and finger’s grabbed her right thigh, pinching the muscle through the tangled cloak, and tugged." That sounds downright painful. I'd be ready to come out swinging!

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  17. Nice touches at the end, nice concrete details. I like that she's thinking ahead even while she is in a bad situation.

    Anastasia Vitsky

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  18. This is good, Jess. I am so worried for her, but I know she won't go down without a fight. Good job! :-)

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  19. I like the way the description of her inner turmoil and what's going on outwardly play off each other and combine to amp up the tension. Great snippet!

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

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  20. Jess, I think that you have captured history well. Whereas many of us might remain tense in this situation, people in history knew they had only so much energy and that they had to keep it for the parts where they had a possibility of using it wisely and gaining a bit.

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  21. It's very easy for these kind of scenes to feel stagnant, but you've managed to convey motion by focusing on her physical sensations. Very well done.

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    1. Thank you. Stagnancy is one of the things I worry about in my writing. I tend to think my scenes go on and on. I'm always grateful for a second opinion.

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  22. Just stopping by for the A-Z Challenge. Please check us out and sign up to follow if you like what you see. Juliet atCity Muse Country Muse

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  23. Hi Jess, long time no see. Sorry you've been too slammed to continue with A-Z, but these snippets are fun. I loved the sensory detail, and the emotion the character was feeling, I'm curious about how she got abducted.

    I was going to nitpick the finger's too, but I see Sarah W beat me to it! ;)

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  24. This is a great snippet. I can feel her despair coming through!

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