Spring has finally sprung in Michigan, which makes it difficult to convince myself to chain myself to the computer and focus on writing. Hopefully, it will soon be warm enough to set up an outdoor writing station and soak up the sunshine while I play with my characters. I can't wait!
Today, I'm posting another snippet from my historical WIP, Tenebrous, which takes place during the Scottish War for Independence.The snippet picks up immediately after last week's.
Thanks for taking the time to check it out! Don't forget to check out the other talanted authors who've decided to participate this week. You won't be disappointed.
Rachel sagged against his shoulder,
pressing her face to his broad back. There wasn’t any point in fighting, she
couldn’t escape, not now. All she could do was lay still and conserve her
energy and pray for something to happen. When it did, she needed to be ready to
act.
The man was familiar with the
forest, slipping smoothly between the branches even as the forest grew darker
and darker.
Rachel didn’t know how long they
traveled before her captor stopped. It could have been five minutes or five
hours. The muscles under her belly shifted and finger’s grabbed her right
thigh, pinching the muscle through the tangled cloak, and tugged.
This has a fantasy feel to it...Not sure if that's what you were going for..I'm a little tired right now. But it sounds quite good! I wish I would have remembered to post my stuff up on wewriwa...Least it's up on my blog, close enough. lol
ReplyDeleteIf things go the way I want, it's going have a Gothic slightly paranormal plot, but I'm tentative. I tried writing a pure fantasy before with bad results. Hopefully, this time will net better results.
DeleteI really want to know what's going on here--and I'm glad she's waiting instrad of despairing.
ReplyDelete(psst--I'd take the apostrophe out of "fingers")
Oops, thanks for catching that :o
DeleteYou've got me interested. I'd like to know what's happening here.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that she is being carried (?) I am definitely intrigued. I sense she is biding her time and preserving energy.
ReplyDeleteYou nailed it :)
DeletePerhaps consider mentioning the impact on her stomach and with her head hanging down (blood rushing to her head? stomach queasy from the constant pressure and jabs/jerks of his shoulder as he ducks to avoid bushes/limbs).
ReplyDeleteNice observation by the female - and how she jusges his familiarity with the forest. Shows her thinking and evaluating.
Very good #8Sentence - definitely want to find out what comes next - good job. Very enjoyable read.
Great suggestions! Thanks so much!
DeleteI love the way you keep our interest up, sharing tiny details! I liked Susan's suggestions re some more physical details...but definitely another terrific snippet!
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Deleteooh Love this Jess! I'm not following you because I want to read more of this story! I'm a sucker for scottish historicals!
ReplyDeleteThanks. I'm fond of them myself. Have you read any of Julie Garwood's historical novel?
Delete"All she could do was lay still and conserve her energy and pray for something to happen. When it did, she needed to be ready to act."
ReplyDeleteAaah. Temporary submission. Maybe her captor will be caught unawares with her readiness when the time comes.
Nice 8!
I liked this eight as well...and am curious to learn more about this story. I'll be looking forward to next week's post. :-)
ReplyDeleteGood descriptions of her feelings, the forest and what comes next.
ReplyDeleteShe's so smart and brave, but I'm terribly nervous :) Captivating snippet.
ReplyDeleteI'm really, really curious about what's going on here, especially with that last sentence thrown in there. Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteQuestion: is he allied with what she's running from, what she's running to, or a third party?
ReplyDeleteYou know how much I like this story, Jess. If you decide to go with gothic paranormal you're off to a great start. I like that Rachel is confused yet stays strong and patient. I love the air of mystery here, too, and the historical setting. Great work!
ReplyDeleteGreat way to show her biding her time. Conserve energy now, run later. Good snippet, Jess. :)
ReplyDelete"The muscles under her belly shifted and finger’s grabbed her right thigh, pinching the muscle through the tangled cloak, and tugged." That sounds downright painful. I'd be ready to come out swinging!
ReplyDeleteNice touches at the end, nice concrete details. I like that she's thinking ahead even while she is in a bad situation.
ReplyDeleteAnastasia Vitsky
This is good, Jess. I am so worried for her, but I know she won't go down without a fight. Good job! :-)
ReplyDeleteI like the way the description of her inner turmoil and what's going on outwardly play off each other and combine to amp up the tension. Great snippet!
ReplyDelete~Joyce Scarbrough
Jess, I think that you have captured history well. Whereas many of us might remain tense in this situation, people in history knew they had only so much energy and that they had to keep it for the parts where they had a possibility of using it wisely and gaining a bit.
ReplyDeleteIt's very easy for these kind of scenes to feel stagnant, but you've managed to convey motion by focusing on her physical sensations. Very well done.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Stagnancy is one of the things I worry about in my writing. I tend to think my scenes go on and on. I'm always grateful for a second opinion.
DeleteHi Jess, long time no see. Sorry you've been too slammed to continue with A-Z, but these snippets are fun. I loved the sensory detail, and the emotion the character was feeling, I'm curious about how she got abducted.
ReplyDeleteI was going to nitpick the finger's too, but I see Sarah W beat me to it! ;)
This is a great snippet. I can feel her despair coming through!
ReplyDelete