Sunday, July 28, 2013

Sunday Writing Sample 7/28/13 #WeWriWa

Holy cow!

I can't believe that it's the final Sunday in July. How's that even possible, summer just got rolling and now it's more than half over. I don't know about you, but I intend to enjoy every minute that's left.

I'm continuing to post from my Georgian/Regency era romance novella, Snowflakes & Beeswax. This week's snippet picks up where my last snippet left off.

Take some time to visit the Weekend Writing Warriors and Sunday Snippet sites where you'll find links leading to some very talented authors who've decided to participate in this week's blog hop.


Oliver forgot how to breathe. His mouth dried and his pulse quickenedEvery iota of his being snapped to attention and focused on Madelyn.  
He’d originally encountered Madelyn on his first trip to this remote farm. She’d opened the door at his knock and left him speechless. Their eyes briefly met before she bolted past him and disappeared. Since then he’d only glimpsed her from a distance.


31 comments:

  1. Jess, that's lovely. I'm always excited about male POVs - especially in romance. You did an excellent job here! One thing though: I feel a bit stupid even bringing up small things such as typos, but I saw it, so it's there: - "They're eyes briefly met" -> "Their eyes briefly met." :)

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    1. Oops, pesky typos. They've been haunting me all week for some reason. Thanks!

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  2. Enjoyable excerpt! Oliver is obviously besotted with Marilyn. "Every iota of his being" - great turn of phrase there. :-) (Sorry; I noticed the typo as well.)

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  3. Those darn typos, eh? I find myself grimacing at typos I find all the time.

    I wonder if Oliver forgot how to breathe or forgot to breathe? Both make sense, but I wonder which nuance you're going for.

    I like your title...Snowflakes and Beeswax. :)

    Anastasia Vitsky

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    1. Great, a new issue to obsess over. =) I'm going to have to give this nuance issue some serious consideration. Thanks, Ana!

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  4. Bless, the poor lad is obviously smitten! Great 8!

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  5. Jess, nice 8! We certainly get the fact that Oliver is quite taken with Maddy--love your description, "Oliver forgot to breathe" is perfect!! We're there!

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  6. Wow, he's quite smitten. Very strong physical reaction to her, so well drawn!

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  7. Good descriptions here, Jess. I can picture Oliver standing there staring, not breathing, so caught up in Madelyn. Nice.

    I kind of like 'forgot how to breathe' - less common than 'forgot to breathe.' Plus, to me it implies his entire body can't focus on anything but her; it seems somehow more intense that way.

    You know, my fingers often hit letters I don't intend for them to hit. Thank goodness for that backspace key!!! =)

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  8. Oh that poor boy has got it bad! Great job in getting that across by his body's reaction. Excellent snippet. Can't wait until next week. I can just see him "habada, habada" when he tries to speak to her!
    History Sleuth's Milk Carton Murders

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  9. He's a goner. Love how all of his attention fixes on her the moment he sees her.

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  10. I like this a lot. He sees her and is like mesmerized. So much so that he forgets to breathe. This holds the promise of LOVE!

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    1. You're so sweet. If I've written the story correctly is supposed to a be souls uniting type of story.

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  11. She has quite an effect on him, poor guy! Loved it, excellent excerpt!

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    1. Thank you. That's what I was going for.

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  12. I can't believe July's almost over, either. Summer has just flown by. Loved this excerpt. Your description is fabulous! :)

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  13. Great snippet - he sure sounds taken with Madelyn!

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  14. Awww. Now, how does she feel about him?

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  15. Love it. I hope she doesn't tease the boy too bad!

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  16. Terrific snippet, I felt his thrill and her panic.

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  17. Good snippet, Jess. You could probably combine the two paragraphs so the backstory doesn't slow the action. For example: "Oliver forgot how to breathe. His mouth dried and his pulse quickened. Every iota of his being snapped to attention and focused on Madelyn. It had been that way from the moment he'd first encountered her at this very door. Their eyes had briefly met before she'd bolted past him and disappeared. Now he looked his fill." It gives us the sense of what happened before to make him react again the present. Sounds like she's got him hooked without trying. :)

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  18. Well done. Definitely want to read more! Thanks for sharing :)

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  19. Great description of is reaction.

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  20. I love that he's besotted and she's heading for the hills. Charming!

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