Sunday, September 1, 2013

A Little Sunday Writing Sample #WEWRIWA

Welcome to another Sunday of fun reading! This post is part of the Weekend Writing Warriors and Sunday Snippet blog hop. It provides authors of all different backgrounds and genres with an opportunity to post snippets of their published and unpublished books.


I’m posting a snippet from my Georgian Christmas story, Snowflakes & Beeswax. If you read my previous snippet, I should warn you that I skipped ahead a couple of paragraphs.


Madelyn turned led her guests to the far end of the barn.  
“We’ve always used the barn as a workspace and for storage, but in the past, when we received word of your pending arrival, my father and I moved everything into the house, which my father felt was a more appropriate setting for business. Now that he's,” her mind blanked for a moment, “… gone, it's all I can do to keep up with my regular duties. I lacked the time needed to move the crates into the house.”
She glanced over her shoulder and studied the darker man walking a little behind and to the left of her. Her stomach shivered, like a swarm of bees huddled inside.  

There was something about him that made her think the world was about to change, which was the last thing she needed right now. She already had more trouble than she could handle.  

14 comments:

  1. Very telling--she immediately anticipates bad things happening not good. Her depression blankets the scene.

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  2. Even though she has a sense of foreboding, maybe the changes will turn out to be favorable.
    Nice analogy with the bees.
    I've always heard of butterflies in the stomach, but never bees.
    I'll have to remember that!

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  3. Yeah the bees are a unique touch and make sense too :D :D

    The excerpt makes me wonder what kind of business these people are into. You've alluded to it before and I'm getting curiouser and curiouser about it!

    One suggestion: to me, the phrase "the last thing she needed right now" means pretty much the same as "She already had more trouble than she could handle" so perhaps you could drop one of those. And of course when she says that, I wanna know what kind of trouble's going on!

    Super snippet, Jess :)

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  4. I like the metaphor of the bees. One thing I noticed is that you repeat 'my father' in one sentence. "my father and I moved everything into the house, which my father felt was more appropriate.." Perhaps use 'he' instead. Just a little suggestion. Great scene overall.

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  5. Intriguing snippet! I want to know more... Loved the bee metaphor. Great touch!

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  6. Bees make much more sense than butterflies!

    I hope the foreshadowed change is better than she's fearing...

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  7. Am curious to know what's in the crates. And the description of her reaction to "the darker man" is delicious.

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  8. Interesting snippet. Sense of more implicit in just a few words. Excellent!

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  9. Sometimes all you want if for things to stay the same and not tilt further out of control.

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  10. But some change can be for the good...I'm fascinated by this story and all the small mysteries you're oh-so-skillfully setting up for us LOL. Excellent excerpt!

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  11. Bitter perspective from bitter experience, yes? Nicely done, Jess. :)

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  12. Keep it together darlin'...shoot, you've got me all worried!

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  13. You absolutely put me there and made me feel what she felt. This is fab!

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  14. She must be in deep trouble if the only thing she can read in her reaction to him is that the worse is to come.

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