Sunday, June 22, 2014

#WeWriWa Snippet from Rendezvous with Destiny 6/22/14

Happy day after summer solstice. I hope everyone enjoyed all the extra sunshine (or if you had weather similar to Michigan, extra daylight, actual sunshine was kind of hit and miss)

It's Sunday, and time for the WeWriWa and Snippet Sunday blog hop. There are lots of super talented writers, representing a variety of genres, participating this week. Be sure to take a few moments to check them out.

I'm contributing a snippet from my current WIP, Rendezvous with Destiny. It's a young adult story set in 1941, just a few weeks prior to the bombing of Pearl Harbor and explores the relationship between a German girl and an American boy.

My sincerest apologies for the roughness of my samples the past few weeks, and my most heartfelt thanks for all the advice and encouragement everyone has offered since I started posting snippets from this particular WIP. Rendezvous is still very much in the first draft phase and not yet the finest example of elegant writing. Every single piece of advice I've gotten has been golden, and done so  much to improve the overall quality of Rendezvous, as well as my writing style.

Thanks!


He opened his eyes and found Rosika studying him. The corners of her mouth slant upwards and her eyes sparkle. “She must be special.”
“Huh?”
“You’ve always like girls, but I’ve never seen you to go all moon-eyed over one. I’ve gotta admit it irritates me that you refuse to tell me who she is, I assume I know her.”
Ignoring her, David tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow and guided her around the front of the truck.

31 comments:

  1. Interesting dilemma!
    (Did you change tense in the 2nd sentence?)

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    1. Yep. I sure did. Thanks for catching that.

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  2. I think she does! :)

    (this may be a rough draft, but the diamond is absolutely shining through, Jess)

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    1. I hope you're right. At the moment, it feels like I've forgotten everything I've ever known about writing. Thanks for the encouragement.

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  3. The way he tucks her hand into the crook of his arm is a lovely visual clue to his character. Well done.

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    1. Thanks Gem. It seemed like a good gesture that fit the time period.

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  4. Interesting premise, Jess. (I noticed the tense change as well.) Can an American boy have a relationship with a German girl during that era? Somewhat like "Romeo and Juliet",

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    1. It's not going to be easy. The main reason I decided to give them the different ethniticities was because I wanted to explore what happened to the German's living in the US at the time.

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  5. They seem to be good friends already from their dialogue. I'm very interested in how this is going to progress. Nice 8. And Gem is right--tucking her arm into his is a great visual and character reveal.

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  6. Interesting situation with a woman commenting on his interest. Good snippet. I did notice a couple of things.
    In the first paragraph you change tenses from past to present in your verbs, then returned to past in the last sentence. And I assume she said "You've always LIKED girls..." but the D is missing. :)

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    1. Ugh, I can't believe I missed those tense changes. Thanks for the help, Siobhan.

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  7. I think this is a cute scene...at first I wasn't sure who was talking, then when I read the whole thing through I understood. Likely if I had all the lines that came before this wouldn't be so. I'd like that first paragraph better, if you made the first line it's own paragraph and then made the second line her speaking something like..."She must be special," she said, and the corners of her mouth slanted upwards, her eyes sparkling. That's just my own humble little opinion.

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    1. I agree with you about it being difficult to tell you's talking at the start of the snippet. That's the one thing I don't like about short snippets that have been plucked from the middle of the scene. Usually, I write the names in before posting, but for some reason I forgot to this week (and apparently failed to notice tense changes, ugh) I love the advice you offered and am so using it when I start editing. Thanks!

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  8. People always talk about how strained things were between Americans and Germans after the war started, but you almost never hear what things were like *before* it started - so I'm loving this, Jess. And I agree that the diamond definitely shines through :)

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    1. It's not easy finding information from pre-war that's unbiased or focused on everyday life. Most of the books I've read have focused on the political tensions. I've just started looking for old newspaper articles and journals. Thanks for the encouragement :)

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  9. You've picked an interesting time to write in, adds so much complexity to the plot. I like these two characters, great snippet!

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  10. Nice snippet. I like the interplay between the two. (The others already caught the grammar goofs.)

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  11. Hah, he must feel caught between a rock and a hard place. Great snippet.

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  12. The dialogue reveals enough to find out more about the characters. Great snippet!

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  13. WWII is a great background for a story, and i like your excerpt.

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  14. The tense changes bothered me, too. Otherwise, it feels good. At this time (before America is in the war) there shouldn't be much tension, but once the war starts...

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    1. It irritates me that I missed that tense change when I posted this. Such is life. It's hard to believe that at this point in time, most Americans were sure the US would never enter the war, that it was Europe's problem alone.

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  15. There's no comment I'd leave that hasn't been left. I completely agree--a diamond on the way. I really like the setting, Jess. This era is much underdone. Great choice!

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  16. I enjoyed the snippet. I'm all for dialogue, especially when revealing crushes! It's brave for writers to make themselves vulnerable and share their work with the world. I admire that you have the courage to show your first draft. Can't wait to read the next installment :)

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

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  17. Good stuff. You've got all of the little things right. A gesture, some great dialogue...

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  18. Wonderful... The characterization is amazing. I can't wait for the next post! :D

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