Sunday, July 13, 2014

Rendezvous with Destiny #WeWriWa snippet for 7/13/14



Howdy!
It’s time for the mid-summer edition of the WeWriWablog hop, and event that brings together an eclectic band of writers together as they share snippets of their writing. If you’ve never participated before, you should. It’s a good, supportive group and you’ll be amazed by the wide variety of genres represented.
The rules are simple;
  •  Sign up on the Linky list
  • Take anything you’ve written-it can be something you’ve published, something you’re in the middle of editing, or even a roughdraft.
  •  Pick eight sentences and post them, as well as a link leading back to the WeWriWa site on your blog.
  • Hop around the internet and read the samples fellow participants have posted.
It’s the friendliest writing groups I’ve ever encountered.

My contribution comes from the young adult WIP I’m floundering my way through. The story is set just in the United States, just a few weeks prior to the bombing of Pearl Harbor. It’s a friends-to-lovers story about an all-American farm boy and his best friend, who just happens to be an German immigrant. This snippet picks up where the last one I posted left off.

Speaking of my last post. I can’t thank everyone enough for your wonderful advice about how to improve my writing and your encouragement. You’re the best!

Without further ado!

He helped Rosika into the cab and snapped his fingers; Becca, responded instantly, leaping over the side of the truck in a single, effortless bound, and settling in the truck bed. David glanced over the side. In addition to his dog, the back of his truck contained a large hamper.
            David inhaled, savoring the mouthwatering aroma of like green bean casserole, gingersnaps, and pork roast.
            He glanced at Rosika, “it smells great.”
“I noticed you've failed to bring anything, you do realize that the whole point of a potluck is everyone bringing food to share.”
            David’s mouth curved into a charming grin. “Humph, guess you’re not as clever as you think. It just so happens, I’m bringing the two most important things.”

Sorry, I had to rely on a little creative punctuation to make the snippet the right length, Also, the dog, Becca, is a brand spanking new addition to the story. She insisted on being included, and I’ve learned to never argue with a dog!

15 comments:

  1. Ah cute, I love Becca, glad she decided to make herself known : ) Great snippet. Love the sweetness of these two "friends".

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  2. Lovely excerpt, Jess! Of course there's a dog, there needs to be some kind of pet :) These characters are charming and super easy to cheer for. I'm all worried about what will happen when the war starts!

    One suggestion? I'm supposing that the mention of Becca is a separate sentence in your working draft but I'm thinking it might flow better with something like this:
    "Becca instantly leaped over the side of the truck in a single, effortless bound, then settled in the truck bed."

    That removes two instances of "-ing" words which are really easy to overuse, and I think makes visualizing the movements a bit easier.

    It's just little tweaks like that that come to mind. Your characters are well-rounded so you sure don't need help there :D

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  3. My stomach perked up at the food in her basket. So what are the two most important things he's bringing to the potluck dinner?

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  4. I remember my first potluck dinner - I forgot to bring anything. I wonder what those two things he's bringing? Great snippet!

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    1. Thanks, Frank. I've been known bring take-out pizza as my contribution.

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  5. Well, I must know what he brought. :)

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  6. Ooh, what's he brought? Wine and strawberries? Wine and himself? Fun snippet.

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  7. What a time it was with World War Two on the horizon and he has a German friend. I feel for their friendship and love.

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  8. Maybe he's bringing the two of them. this is a fun snippet.

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  9. Great last line! This story line should appeal to boomers, too.

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  10. I like the addition of the dog and I enjoyed the gentle teasing between boy and girl. Excellent excerpt!

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  11. I like it Jess. Even though you say you're floundering, keep at it. I think this story is so good. :-) And I like the inclusion of Becca :-)

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  12. I love Becca and the way they tease each other. Great last line to keep readers hooked.

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